Poems / March 12, 2024

A Portrait of the Artist as I Hate You

Christopher Spaide

Honey, what was it—my original stinking sin?
When, thick-tongued and fangless, I hungered to be seen
from all angles, how could you take those pipe dreams
to mean Psycho, shower scene?

Was I too tender for you? You left me slow and lowly.
Fall off the bone. Forked up wholly holey
to my febrile fibers. What other grub daydreams
of filling up your belly?

Come REM, come starry comas sopped in sepia,
how come you keep on slipping past my sleepier
defenses, the walk-on cameo of my dreams?
Cast me. I’d play it creepier.

If I were you? Sin would sun, blisters unblue
to blusters, everything indrawn bloom into
blank sheets. Untouched. If you (in your dreams’ dreams)
were me, you’d hate you too

and gratefully, hate to be granted a way with words,
away-with-murder words, a wave dragged shorewards
dredging the unconscious, a wasting away of dreams
to silt, salt, sea-sharp shards,

who’s crying over that? So what if life’s long
and lullabying as a Ramones song
—that remains to be unseen, rewound in dreams
where this time I’m strong, strong

as the black box the crash coughs up to keep
one record of the wreckage stashed, coffin-deep,
for the rest of our days. Deep as those charmed dreams
where all I do is sleep.

Thank you for reading The Nation!

We hope you enjoyed the story you just read, just one of the many incisive, deeply reported articles we publish daily. Now more than ever, we need fearless journalism that moves the needle on important issues, uncovers malfeasance and corruption, and uplifts voices and perspectives that often go unheard in mainstream media.

Donate right now and help us hold the powerful accountable, shine a light on issues that would otherwise be swept under the rug, and build a more just and equitable future.

For nearly 160 years, The Nation has stood for truth, justice, and moral clarity. As a reader-supported publication, we are not beholden to the whims of advertisers or a corporate owner. But it does take financial resources to report on stories that may take weeks or months to investigate, thoroughly edit and fact-check articles, and get our stories to readers like you.

Donate today and stand with us for a better future. Thank you for being a supporter of independent journalism.

Thank you for your generosity.

Christopher Spaide

More from The Nation

The Roots of Trans Women’s Unjust Treatment

The Roots of Trans Women’s Unjust Treatment The Roots of Trans Women’s Unjust Treatment

Jules Gill-Peterson’s A Short History of Trans Misogyny is an essential primer on the colonial and racist origins of hatred against those who refuse to adhere to the gender binary...

Books & the Arts / McKenzie Wark

Saamer Usmani as Raj Varma, Jess Hong as Jin Cheng, Liam Cunningham as Wade in 3 Body Problem.

What’s Ailing Prestige TV? What’s Ailing Prestige TV?

In Netflix’s big budget series 3 Body Problem, the flaws of this era of streaming is laid bare.

Books & the Arts / Vikram Murthi

Martin Peretz and then–New Republic editor Hendrick Hertzberg, 1984.

Marty Peretz and the Travails of American Liberalism Marty Peretz and the Travails of American Liberalism

From his New Left days to his neoliberalism and embrace of interventionism, The Controversialist is a portrait of his own political trajectory and that of American liberalism too....

Books & the Arts / Jeet Heer

Steve Albini poses for a portrait in his recording studio.

Talking Punk, Nirvana, and the Ethics of Art Under Capitalism With Steve Albini Talking Punk, Nirvana, and the Ethics of Art Under Capitalism With Steve Albini

The legendary engineer, producer, and musician who died on May 7 spoke to Daniel Bessner about his career and the state of the music industry.

Q&A / Daniel Bessner

Illustration from “The Ship That Sailed to Mars,” by William M. Timlin.

The Radical World-making of Joanna Russ The Radical World-making of Joanna Russ

In her science fiction, the novelist offered not only an astringent critiques of the present but also bold visions of the future.

Books & the Arts / Stephanie Burt