Poems / April 9, 2024

At the Door of Integration, I Turned Around

Camonghne Felix

Louder still from the choir
of the Black Madonna, the treble line
beat blue with the drumming haunts
of incalculable betrayal, too deviant
a lie to unbraid. Even at my dreary ends,
the lasts of me spread across 3000 seasons,
I still got a bell built for humming, that hymn of
repetition an infinite note to God. You think
I worry about beauty? By design,
I come back twice. Undead
imperium, the only idols I’ve got left
can’t be seen. In a good
final silence, they ask me
how I’d like to return. If I’d like to return.
I stay knowing the depth of the vessel belly,
the ripe scent of flesh sniping
at the soft of my eyes, the melon seed
wedged in my tooth like a clove. I say yes,
say, send me back
to this very animus, this
endless fiction. Yes. I would rather be ugly
than forget.

Thank you for reading The Nation

We hope you enjoyed the story you just read, just one of the many incisive, deeply-reported articles we publish daily. Now more than ever, we need fearless journalism that shifts the needle on important issues, uncovers malfeasance and corruption, and uplifts voices and perspectives that often go unheard in mainstream media.

Throughout this critical election year and a time of media austerity and renewed campus activism and rising labor organizing, independent journalism that gets to the heart of the matter is more critical than ever before. Donate right now and help us hold the powerful accountable, shine a light on issues that would otherwise be swept under the rug, and build a more just and equitable future.

For nearly 160 years, The Nation has stood for truth, justice, and moral clarity. As a reader-supported publication, we are not beholden to the whims of advertisers or a corporate owner. But it does take financial resources to report on stories that may take weeks or months to properly investigate, thoroughly edit and fact-check articles, and get our stories into the hands of readers.

Donate today and stand with us for a better future. Thank you for being a supporter of independent journalism.

Camonghne Felix

More from The Nation

The Rolling Stones Haven’t Missed a Beat

The Rolling Stones Haven’t Missed a Beat The Rolling Stones Haven’t Missed a Beat

The world's greatest rock and roll band is on the road again. This time, they’ve got a new drummer.

Feature / Ethan Iverson

Venita Blackburn’s Stages of Grief

Venita Blackburn’s Stages of Grief Venita Blackburn’s Stages of Grief

In Dead in Long Beach, California, the novelist looks at how integral lying is to any story we tell about death.

Books & the Arts / Christopher Soto

Statue of Clarice Lispector at Leme Beach in Rio de Janeiro, 2016.

Clarice Lispector’s Cosmology Clarice Lispector’s Cosmology

To understand the philosophical dimensions of her fiction you must read her 1961 novel The Apple in the Dark.

Books & the Arts / Shaj Mathew

Guests walk along the beach near the Botel pool on Fire Island in Long Island, New York, 1976.

The Cruel Genius of Robert Plunket’s Gay Satires The Cruel Genius of Robert Plunket’s Gay Satires

His 1992 novel Love Junkie might be one of the tragicomic classics of the AIDS era.

Books & the Arts / Kate Wolf

E.E. Cummings, 1962.

The Peculiar Legacy of E.E. Cummings The Peculiar Legacy of E.E. Cummings

Revisiting his first book, The Enormous Room, a reader can get a sense of everything appealing and appalling in his work.

Books & the Arts / David B. Hobbs

A figure looks at the dynamic map board showing power distribution through California’s electrical grids in the control center of the California Independent System Operator, 2004.

The World’s Problems Explained in One Issue: Electricity The World’s Problems Explained in One Issue: Electricity

Brett Christophers’s account of the market-induced failure to transition to renewables is his latest entry in a series of books demystifying a multi-pronged global crisis.

Books & the Arts / Trevor Jackson