(A Patriotic Hymn for Republicans)
 
Despite the fact that incidents of in-person voter fraud in
the United States are exceedingly rare, the GOP has used
the issue to tighten election laws around the country.
                                                            —News reports
 
American children are all taught in school
That voting’s democracy’s most vital tool.
But in the wrong hands all that voting can bring
A little too much of a very good thing.
Yes, too many voters of darker complexion
Can cause the wrong person to win an election.
And college kids mostly are just in a phase
That makes them left wing and supportive of gays.
To us, each of them is a dangerous blighter
Whose voting should wait till he’s older and whiter.
So we put in laws we have reason to think
Will mean that the strength of these voters will shrink.
We shorten the hours, and ask for a lot
Of picture IDs—more than anyone’s got.
Their votes aren’t the votes that the framers intended.
We only regret that the poll tax has ended.
The voting we need in this land of the free
Is voting by people with whom we agree.