Bailout Satire

Bailout Satire

Add your own toxic holdings to the big shitpile here.

I almost missed this email because it was diverted to my spam folder. But apparently Paulson is sending this around:

Dear American:

Facebook
Twitter
Email
Flipboard
Pocket

Add your own toxic holdings to the big shitpile here.

I almost missed this email because it was diverted to my spam folder. But apparently Paulson is sending this around:

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationshipwith a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My countryhas had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, itwould be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be myreplacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, youmay know him as the leader of the American banking deregulationmovement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We needthe funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer thesefunds in the names of our close friends because we are constantlyunder surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look fora reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so thefunds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fundaccount numbers and those of your children and grandchildren [email protected] so that we may transfer your commissionfor this transaction. After I receive that information, I willrespond with detailed information about safeguards that will be usedto protect the funds.

Yours FaithfullyMinister of Treasury Paulson

(UPDATE: I didn’t write this. It was sent to me by a friend and is making the rounds)

Thank you for reading The Nation!

We hope you enjoyed the story you just read, just one of the many incisive, deeply-reported articles we publish daily. Now more than ever, we need fearless journalism that shifts the needle on important issues, uncovers malfeasance and corruption, and uplifts voices and perspectives that often go unheard in mainstream media.

Throughout this critical election year and a time of media austerity and renewed campus activism and rising labor organizing, independent journalism that gets to the heart of the matter is more critical than ever before. Donate right now and help us hold the powerful accountable, shine a light on issues that would otherwise be swept under the rug, and build a more just and equitable future.

For nearly 160 years, The Nation has stood for truth, justice, and moral clarity. As a reader-supported publication, we are not beholden to the whims of advertisers or a corporate owner. But it does take financial resources to report on stories that may take weeks or months to properly investigate, thoroughly edit and fact-check articles, and get our stories into the hands of readers.

Donate today and stand with us for a better future. Thank you for being a supporter of independent journalism.

Thank you for your generosity.

Ad Policy
x