FBI director Kash Patel might be the most ludicrous, scandal-dogged Donald Trump henchman in this incompetent, embarrassing second administration. An Atlantic report on Patel in April chronicled a pattern of heavy drinking, odd behavior and mysterious absences–it was headlined “The FBI Director Is MIA.” Rep. Jamie Raskin is investigating his payments of more than $1 million in taxpayer dollars to favored FBI agents. He’s fired long-term, respected FBI agents for political reasons. Patel has also been in trouble for using public assets to ferry himself and his country music star girlfriend to entertainment venues. He’s regularly rumored to be close to being fired.

Patel was grilled on some of his decisions at a Senate Judiciary Committee oversight hearing on Tuesday. He opened by recounting a  barrage of purported FBI accomplishments in reducing violent crime and thwarting terrorism, many of which were exaggerations or falsehoods, featuring activities largely the terrain of other agencies, not the FBI. But the most attention went to his hilarious answer on the serious question of why the FBI had lowered its standards to recruit new agents, and no longer bars applicants who’ve engaged in prostitution, trafficking or bestiality. The FBI, by many reports, has lowered other standards, at least partly because so many have either been fired, or left the agency on their own under Patel’s leadership.

Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin opened by saying flatly that Patel should be replaced. He was the first to express bewilderment at the agency’s new welcome mat to applicants who’d “engaged in bestiality.” It was left to GOP Sen. John Kennedy to drill down on the strange new regulation. When pushed, Katel insisted “the previous regulation automatically disqualified any individual who participated in either side of it,” to which Kennedy asked what the entire audience had to be wondering:

“Either side of bestiality? So you disqualified the animal?” 

Kennedy went on: “You’re not saying that if a human being had sex with an animal, they can be an FBI agent?”

Patel tried to explain. “Applicants who have engaged in bestaility means they were victims of bestiality because they were forced to do so. At this FBI we are not going to criminalize and prevent victims from serving.”

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I suppose it’s imaginable that sex trafficking victims have been forced into bestiality, but I’ve never heard of it. Social media was wild with speculation about exactly which participants in bestiality the FBI couldn’t do without. Patel’s ridiculous sparring with senators in both parties on the question didn’t lend him the gravitas he desperately needs (he needs a lot of other things, of course). 

Hawaii Sen. Maizie Hirono managed to cover the stories of Patel’s excessive drinking and his opening the bureau to bestiality’s “victims” in one exchange: “I’m still pretty mystified as to why bestiality was taken off the list. You have been so drunk that briefings have been rescheduled so you could sleep it off.”

As Vermont Sen. Peter Welch began to ask why Patel chugged beer with the US men’s hockey team after their victory at the Milan summer Olympics, the FBI director tried to muzzle Welch by insisting “Your time is up.” Committee chair Chuck Grassley allowed the Democrat to continue, and Patel retorted nastily: “The players who are my friends invited me to the locker room … I go where I want to go after delivering the most prolific crime reduction in US history.” Again he took credit for trends that predate his tenure or have nothing to do with the FBI.

New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker had one of the most acrimonious exchanges with Patel.  He asked about reports “that you used a SWAT detail to protect and drive your girlfriend” and Patel shot back, “Why are you talking about my loved ones? Stop attacking me and my loved ones.” He went on: “This guy called me a thug. It’s kind of ironic.” To which Booker replied: “What a mockery you are.”

Senator Adam Schiff put Patel under a magnifying glass over whether he had fired FBI agents who worked on either major investigation into Trump–into his wrongly holding onto classified information after leaving office, or fomenting the Jan. 6 insurrection. Patel was evasive, then eventually admitted “most” such agents had left the agency, but claimed they’d retired. Schiff pointed to numerous lawsuits by FBI personnel claiming wrongful termination, as well as Attorney General Todd Blanche boasting that Patel had gotten rid of all the Trump classified-info investigators. But Patel continued to filibuster and claim that wasn’t true. He also told Schiff, like Welch, that his “time is up.”

Neither Republicans nor Democrats got straight answers about whether the FBI is planning to monitor midterm voting—something not normally in the agency’s purview, and of great concern to voting rights groups—as Michigan’s GOP gubernatorial candidate John James told right-wing podcaster Benny Johnson. “I’ve already had a good conversation with my friend Kash Patel, who has said already that the FBI will have a presence leading up to Election Day in Michigan,” James told Johnson. 

“On Election Day, the FBI will follow the law,” Patel said at the hearing. “If there’s a reason to go there because there’s been a violation of law, we will, otherwise we won’t.” 

Some Republicans continued to kowtow to Patel and his boss Trump. Texas Senator John Cornyn, who won’t return to the Senate because Trump endorsed his primary opponent, the corrupt state Attorney General Ken Paxton, praised Patel for investigating Democrats who participated in what he calls the “Russia hoax.” Grassley needled Democrats for being more concerned about Patel’s frequent travel than they were about Joe Biden appointee Christopher Wray’s personal use of an FBI plane (FBI directors are required to travel by FBI plane even for personal travel, and Wray testified that he reimbursed the agency as required), and he insisted Patel had answered all questions about his travel in a July letter. But Durban reported committee Democrats had just received Patel’s letter Monday night. 

In the end, it was just another day of Republicans mostly defending Trump’s minions, while Democrats tried to but didn’t land a decisive blow. Unless Trump finds Patel’s odd defense of “victims” of bestiality as creepy as it is. But I doubt he’s paying enough attention to parse his FBI director’s bizarre stance.