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December 18, 2000 Issue

  • Columns

  • I’m Counting My Heart Out for You

    (Lyrics found on a table inside a state building
    in Miami-Dade County)

    I'm counting my heart out for you.
    The votes I am finding are few.
    We hear the mob right in the hallway heat up,
    They're talking of the chads that we might eat up.
    I hope this ends before we all get beat up.
    I'm looking for voters for you--
    Some blacks or a wandering Jew.
    There aren't enough new hanging chads to suit me.
    I hope the Cubans don't show up to shoot me.
    There doesn't seem much I can do,
    Still, I'm counting my heart out for you.

    Calvin Trillin

  • Yes, We’re the Great Pretenders

    Three days before the election, I took part in a television panel with former White House flack Joe Lockhart, who was doing his best to hold up his end of the tattered Gore-Lieberman banner. When the show was over, I asked him what he really thought and he said, "I'm pinning everything on the Electoral College." It now takes an effort of memory to recall, but this was what all the Democratic elite were saying that week. So the sudden moral emphasis on the popular vote is slightly unseemly, especially in view of the fact that the vote hasn't been counted yet.

    Christopher Hitchens