Extending the Elián González Policy Extending the Elián González Policy

Yes, any Cuban kid would thrive right here.
At Disney World he'd surely have a ball.
And over there he lacks what we revere.
So maybe we should simply snatch them all.

Apr 5, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

John McCain Is Welcomed Back to the Senate John McCain Is Welcomed Back to the Senate

Well, John, it's nice to have you back again.
Your colleagues all paid close attention when
You cast all those aspersions on this house.

Mar 30, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Second Thoughts Second Thoughts

So what was the matter with Kasich?
And what was so bad about Dole?
And why did we sour on poor Gary Bauer
And find naught in Hatch to extol?

Mar 22, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Outcome of the Primaries The Outcome of the Primaries

So after the excitement fades,
We end up with the norm:
Both candidates are regulars
Who say they're for reform.

Mar 16, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Robertson Republican A Robertson Republican

(A Gilbert and Sullivan Solo for George W. Bush)

Mar 9, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Bush Family Conversations on Retaking the White House Bush Family Conversations on Retaking the White House

The first son seemed anointed, then
The tide began to ebb.
Did anybody ever ask,
"So could we bring in Jeb?"

Mar 2, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Theological Analysis of the South Carolina Primary A Theological Analysis of the South Carolina Primary

In Kennebunk, land of the Bushes,
The men of the cloth all wore tweed.
And one didn't meet any Christians
Like Robertson, Falwell and Reed.

Feb 23, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Farewell, Steve Forbes Farewell, Steve Forbes

We mutter adieu now to Steve,
Who finally decided to leave.
We thought he might never be done
With buying his place in the sun.

Feb 16, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Farewell, Gary Bauer Farewell, Gary Bauer

x

Farewell, adieu to Gary Bauer.
We never thought that you'd be our
Next President. Too small. Too sour.
The countryside we'd have to scour

Feb 10, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Orrin Hatch Ends Whatever It Was Orrin Hatch Ends Whatever It Was

The Orrin Hatch campaign is done--
Kaput at last, without a doubt.
And now, perhaps, could someone please
Explain what that was all about?

Feb 3, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin