Herewith, The Nation introduces a new genre: hyperdoggerel.

The AMAZING McBLAINE
Will Suspend his Campaign
From the Apse of the CAPITOL DOME

For Seventy Hours
While his Nemesis Glowers
Onstage at OLE MISS, all alone!

He will HANG UPSIDE-DOWN
Thus inverting the Frown
Induced by Rasmussens and Gallups

(Though like any Magician
He’ll first have his Beautician
Bedizen his face like a Trollop’s).

He’ll he holding a GRAPH
Of the Market’s COLLAPFF
As it zig-a-zags DOWNWARD toward DOOM–

Which by Dint of this FLIPPING
Will shortly be Skipping
Skyward–Hey, Presto!–a BOOM!

Lest this Feat interfere
With his TRICK OF THE YEAR–
DISAPPEARING for Five Months or More

With NEVER A VOTE–
He is fixing to Float
Fifty feet from the Senate FLOOR!

His lovely Assistant,
Though slightly resistant,
Will be SAWED very neatly IN HALF–

Her UPPER part, you know,
Will be sent back to JUNEAU,
And as for the LOWER, don’t ask!

Why settle for Youtube?
I’m talking to you, Rube:
BE THERE, for crying out loud!

At the end of Day Three
He’ll take as VP
A Brave Volunteer from the Crowd!

If some Media Lib
Tries to peddle the Fib
That it’s all a Political STUNT,

Your Wrath please Restrain;
Take a Tip from McBLAINE
And Courteously call her a C**T!

UPDATE:

McBLAINE IS DEBATING!
Imagine the RATINGS
For all of the Networks that carry ’em!

Here’s why Interest has Surged:
He’ll Debate while SUBMERGED
In a Two-Thousand-Gallon AQUARIUM!