November 6, 1995

Post-Election Coverage of Saddam Hussein’s 100-0 Victory Over Nobody

Consultants do not offer quotes
Interpreting the blocs of votes.
He got them all. With such a win
There’s hardly any need for spin.
For drama, though, you’d think that he’d
Have one opponent, to concede.

March 25, 1991

A Short Military Biography of Saddam Hussein

This guy who often said he’d smash us
flat in one battle
turned out to be what Texans call
all hat and no cattle.

July 19, 1993

Saddam Hussein,
Saddam Hussein

Saddam Hussein, Saddam Hussein,
Upon whose head our missiles rain.
It’s often said that you’re a stain
And maybe just a tad insane
(You seem to think you’re Charlemagne),
And therefore we should not refrain
From bombing part of your domain
Until it looks like beef chow mein.
And yet there is a question whether
We’d really like to send you nether.
When diplomatic talk turns plain,
It’s said there’s value in your reign.
You stabilize and you contain.
You keep some folks from raising Cain.
And we use you to show the pain
That those who challenge us obtain-
As you use us when under strain:
We’re blamed for what you can’t explain.
Although we’re birds of different feather.
We may be in this thing together.

November 21, 2002

Saddam Hussein’s Election Victory

Unanimous is what the vote count was.
He didn’t miss a voter, to our knowledge.
The triumph his, he now remains in charge,
Unless he lost in the Electoral College.