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Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House’s Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Election in Rhyme, is The Nation’s “deadline poet.” He has been acclaimed in fields of writing that are remarkably diverse. As someone who has published solidly reported pieces in The New Yorker for 40 years, he has been called “perhaps the finest reporter in America.” His wry commentary on the American scene and his books chronicling his adventures as a “happy eater” have earned him renown as “a classic American humorist.” His About Alice—a 2007 New York Times bestseller that was hailed as “a miniature masterpiece”—followed two other best-selling memoirs, Remembering Denny and Messages from My Father.
Says super-tough guy Giuliani:
To fight this mighty Amazon, he
Is salivating. Yes, to beard her
He'd get real tough (and even weirder).
Good Christian kids must study Tinky Winky
To try to catch him doing something kinky.
From Blumenthal and Hitchens having lunch,
A sideshow has emerged that causes spec-
Ulation touching ethics and such things:
It might make sense to end it now, except
That wouldn't show the managers respect.
So even if their case now seems inert,
'Twas said the honest folks of Salt Lake City
Deplored sins large and even itty-bitty.
But, trying for the Games, they thought it pretty
Chief Justice Rehnquist now presides.
He rules the chamber that decides
If Clinton should remain or go.
This role's important, that we know.
The middle names we have are, as a rule,
Obscure, pretentious, odd or just not cool.
So someone named John Bloomingblaise McGill
So now comes forward John McCain,
A high-tech version of Gawain
When with his steed, a Navy plane.
He says he's forming his campaign
In every century, it seems,
The Constitution's put to test.
Important questions must be asked,
And ours is, "Did he touch her breast?"
They now know how
To clone a cow.
The corollary
Is pretty scary.