The FBI in Peace and War The FBI in Peace and War
The FBI knows every way To put a case in disarray. For years they managed to mislay Some tapes a Birmingham DA Could use against the KKK. Because some files had gone astray ...
May 17, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Will China Deign to Give Us Back Our Plane? Will China Deign to Give Us Back Our Plane?
(With apologies to Alan Jay Lerner) Will China deign to give us back our plane? We know they've got it. Will China deign to give us back our plane? For sure, they've got it. It goes against our grain To explain. It's a pain. And yet they still retain Our plane. Our plane! Will China deign to give us back our plane? Will China deign to give us back our plane? What more can they obtain That's germane from our plane? In vain do we complain. It's plain insane! Their government is truly inhumane, So should we bomb them into beef chow mein?
Apr 26, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Retro Retro
The corporate types are firmly in control. The Russians, it appears, have sent a mole To steal our secrets. And the Chinese wait For tension to develop in their Strait. It's ...
Apr 19, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Bush Administration’s Reversal Of Its Announcement That Testing School-Lunch Meat for Salmonella Would No Longer Be Required On the Bush Administration’s Reversal Of Its Announcement That Testing School-Lunch Meat for Salmonella Would No Longer Be Required
They'll check for salmonella, kids, It's safe as mozzarella, kids, Light up a panatella, kid. You've nothing more to fear. Give thanks for this new fella, kids. Sing p...
Apr 12, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The McCain-Feingold Bill The McCain-Feingold Bill
McCain and Feingold seem to have Big Mo: Soft money could now face a total ban. Which means some folks who've bought pols in the past Need now select a different purchase plan...
Apr 5, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Bush Administration Rescinding Stricter Limits on Arsenic in Drinking Water On the Bush Administration Rescinding Stricter Limits on Arsenic in Drinking Water
Yes, arsenic's in what we drink. That's not as scary as you think. Sure, hidden in the stroganoff It's used for knocking people off. But in your water it's OK. That's what t...
Mar 30, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On Bush Breaking His Campaign Pledge To Limit Carbon Dioxide Emissions* On Bush Breaking His Campaign Pledge To Limit Carbon Dioxide Emissions*
Yes, W. once took the view That CO2 is bad for you. He says he's had a turnabout: We make this stuff when breathing out, So dangerous is what it's not. From lobbyists you le...
Mar 22, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the White House Dress Code On the White House Dress Code
The President's demanding proper dress-- A tie, a coat, a shine on shoes or boots. Some citizens may find this a relief: We've now returned to government by suits.
Mar 15, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Scholarly Analysis of Dick Cheney’s Role in the George W. Bush Administration A Scholarly Analysis of Dick Cheney’s Role in the George W. Bush Administration
Though Bush the Elder was convinced His boy was now a man, he Decided, just to hedge his bet, To furnish him a nanny. Attentive parents always have A way of keeping tr...
Mar 8, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Democratic Lullaby to Bill Clinton A Democratic Lullaby to Bill Clinton
As Bush finds backs to pat and hands to shake, The Democrats can't seem to buy a break. The opposition doesn't coalesce, Because the spotlight's on the Clinton mess, A ...
Feb 23, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin