“Tucked away in fine print in the military spending bill for this past year was a lump sum of $20 million to pay for a celebration in the nation’s capital “for commemoration of success” in Iraq and Afghanistan. Not surprisingly, the money was not spent … A paragraph written into spending legislation and approved by the Senate and House allows the $20 million to be rolled over into 2007.” – New York Times
Victory Gala: The Program
Parade of Looted and Subsequently Recovered Artifacts from National Museum, Baghdad Synchronized Waterboarding Display by Team Guantanamo (Reflecting Pool) Parade of Shiite, Sunni, and Kurdish Militias Parade of Tajik, Uzbek, and Pashtun Warlords’ Private Armies Procession of Ambulances and Collection of Survivors (American Red Cross) LUNCHEON
Cranberry Shrub Roast Baby Quail, Buckshot Fries, Chitlins of Austin Attorney De-Accessioned Wild Game from Baghdad Zoo, Grilled Over Texas Mesquite and Ashes of Classic Arabic Texts from Iraqi National Library Selection of Sesame, Chocolate, and Tutti-Frutti Halvah (Courtesy of Operation Just Desserts, Bethesda, MD) REMARKS
“A Visionary War”: Reading of Selections from “The Prophet” (K. Gibran) by Vice President Cheney Remarks By Not Yet Assassinated Members of Iraqi and Afghan Parliaments Presentation of Flowers by Grateful Children of Ahmadinejad Grammar School and Revolutionary Shiite Madrassa, Basra MUSICAL INTERLUDE
Dance of the Liberated Muslim Women, Veils I through VI (R. Strauss) “The Impossible Dream,” from “Man of La Mancha” (J. Darion, M. Leigh), performed by former Deputy Secretary Wolfowitz, countertenor, and Secretary Rice, piano Extraordinary Rendition of “Detainees” (W. Guthrie) by CIA-OMFUG All Stars FESTIVITIES, PART TWO
Dedication by former Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld of New Rumsfeld SegwayTM Light Tank Armored Limousine Motorcade of Halliburton Directors Parade of National Guard Families and “Flat Daddies” Parade of Veterans of Operations Enduring Freedom and Iraqi Freedom / Demonstration of Otto Bock™ Prosthetics Parade of Captured Weapons of Mass Destruction (in Closed Freight Containers for Reasons of National Security) Triumphal Display of Cage Containing Captured Osama bin Laden Look-Alike Flyover by Non-Highjacked Passenger Jets Flyover by President George W. Bush in Navy S-3B Viking Jet, Crash Landing into National Archives, Immolation of Constitution of the United States (“Mission Accomplished”) Fireworks Display (Courtesy of Hamas USA) Malediction by Sheik Safar al-Hawali, ExxonMobil Mosque of Perpetual Jihad, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia Recessional: “Pomp Under Unlikely Circumstances March No. 3” (E. Elgar)
Evan EisenbergEvan Eisenberg is the author of The Ecology of Eden (Knopf, Vintage) and of The Recording Angel, which was recently reissued in an expanded edition by Yale University Press. His articles, essays, and humor have appeared in The New Yorker, Time, The Atlantic, The New Republic, Slate, the New York Times, and numerous other periodicals. For a brief interval during the twentieth century he was a music columnist for The Nation.