Six ways McCain could still win:

6. Thirty million young, first-time voters oversleep, forget to go to polls on Nov. 4.

5. Sarah Palin reveals secret past as Rhodes Scholar; admits "hockey mom" thing was just a ruse — to avoid being called an "elitist."

4. Economic collapse ends, Dow hits new high. Mortage lenders that foreclosed on new homeowners say "never mind."

3. Al Qaeda throws in the towel, Osama turns himself in at the gates of Gitmo — Bush declares "Mission Accomplished."

2. Jesus appears in Washington, D.C., urges Americans to vote the McCain-Palin ticket.

. . . and the number one way McCain could still win:

Supreme Court in 5-4 ruling declares McCain president.