Elizabeth Dole won’t break the law.
McCain has scored no coke.
The thought of Hatch with smack or crack
Is palpably baroque.

Though Marilyn may seem to you
A lot to bear for life,
Dan Quayle himself says all the time
He’s faithful to his wife.

Count drugs among the many things
Buchanan can’t abide.
And Bauer, as you may have guessed,
Has nothing on the side.

No love child’s there for Forbes or Keyes.
They’re totally without sin.
These other candidates are clean.
It’s just that they can’t win.