(George W. Bush explains the interview arrangements he’s made with the 9/11 Commission)

When called upon to testify
I said I was a busy guy
So maybe we could do it on the phone.
They really want a face to face.
I said, OK, if that’s the case,
I’m certainly not doing it alone.

I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick.
For Nanny Dick I’ve got a serious jones.
I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick.
I love the way he cocks his head and drones.

Cartoonists show me as a dummy,*
With voice by Cheney (or by Rummy).
I am the butt of every late-night satirist.
But I just can’t go solitaire.
I need the help that’s due an heir.
I need a dad, and dad’s a multilateralist.

I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick.
He brings along a gravitas I lack.
I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick-
The one who knows why we attacked Iraq.

Yes, Condi Rice is quite precise
With foreign policy advice
On who’s Afghani and who’s Pakistani.
I like to have her near in case
I just can’t place some foreign face,
But Condoleezza Rice is not my nanny.

I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick.
I wouldn’t know which facts I should convey.
I can’t appear without my Nanny Dick.
It’s Nanny Dick who tells me what to say.

* Though Charlie McCarthy’s the dummy
Whose name has been most often heard,
Some folks who remember that act say
I’m closer to Mortimer Snerd.