Could we have thought that Gary Bauer
Would trifle with, perhaps deflower,
A youngish person not at all his bride?
Could we believe this stern avower
Of family and Christian power
Would have a little something on the side?

Well, no. We all now think it’s great he
Has said the lass is just a matey
And he has never had a liaison.
Republicans might find it weighty
To have him as their Warren Beatty.
He doesn’t seem well cast to play Don Juan.