A Demographic Analysis of the Reform Party A Demographic Analysis of the Reform Party
This party's what diversity is all about:
There's no variety of wacko that's left out.
Sep 23, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
George W. Bush’s Education Plan George W. Bush’s Education Plan
A public school whose students don't test well
Would lose some funds unless its score improves.
If cutting funds won't help the kids advance,
Sep 16, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Possibility That Pat Buchanan Will Run as a Third-Party Candidate On the Possibility That Pat Buchanan Will Run as a Third-Party Candidate
Buchanan hints he's leaving.
The GOP says, "Stay!"
They fear that he'd be draining
The wacko vote away.
Sep 9, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Rest of Them Are Clean The Rest of Them Are Clean
Elizabeth Dole won't break the law.
McCain has scored no coke.
The thought of Hatch with smack or crack
Is palpably baroque.
Sep 2, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Word of Sympathy for Candidates Who Did Not Do Well in the Ames Voting A Word of Sympathy for Candidates Who Did Not Do Well in the Ames Voting
It really would stick in the craw
To find that you had to withdraw
From such a big race
For not keeping pace
In a poll that was nothing but straw.
Aug 19, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Not for Me Not for Me
I think I'd rather not belong
At this point to the Falun Gong.
The exercises don't look easy,
And doing them might make me queasy
Aug 5, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Remembering the 1993 Healthcare Debate While Listening to the 1999 Healthcare Debate Remembering the 1993 Healthcare Debate While Listening to the 1999 Healthcare Debate
The single-payer system, it was said,
Has faults that go beyond the fact it's Red:
If any faceless bureaucrat decreed
That surgery the doctor says you need
Jul 22, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Wreck of the Primary Campaign The Wreck of the Primary Campaign
(A Republican Sea Chantey)
Jul 8, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On Rumors of a Plea Deal for Webster Hubbell On Rumors of a Plea Deal for Webster Hubbell
If Webster Hubbell
Is out of trouble,
The end for Starr
Cannot be far.
We hope these guys
Live peaceful lives
With little fuss--
Jul 1, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Advise and Consent Advise and Consent
So Holbrooke says he's sorry, though for what is not quite clear.
And Helms now says that Dick will get the post.
An envoy must do many deeds to forge a bright career.
Jun 24, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin