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Missing in Action

The candidates are constantly reviewed. The questions raised by analysts include: Will Pat Buchanan matter as a mauler?

Calvin Trillin

November 18, 1999

The candidates are constantly reviewed. The questions raised by analysts include: Will Pat Buchanan matter as a mauler? Will Gore now go to lifts ’cause Bradley’s taller? Should Bush say of his transcript, “Though it’s weak, I didn’t do so badly for a Deke”? The pundits say that Gary Bauer’s clever And Forbes has gotten dorkier than ever. McCain’s discussed in every last dispatch. But what about Hatch?

To all of this Hatch really seems quite foreign. There’s Al, there’s George, there’s Bill, but is there Orrin? With Quayle and Dole removed, the field’s unclogging. So does Hatch mean to run, or is he jogging? Does Hatch have in his heart a hope that flickers? If so, where are his troops, his bumper stickers? Just what with his campaign might be ensuing? Just what’s going on? Just what’s this turkey doing? Is this horse in the race, or do we scratch? So what about Hatch?

Calvin TrillinCalvin Trillin is The Nation’s “deadline poet.”


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