At confirmation hearings he
Described the justice he would be:
Regardless of which law he likes,
He’s only calling balls and strikes.
His own beliefs would never trump
Decisions from this honest ump.
Statistics that have just come in
Now show what kind of ump he’s been.
Extrapolating from these cases,
Big-business pitchers all are aces.
The unions CEOs all hate
Can never seem to find the plate.
Environmentalists? It’s droll
The way control freaks lack control.
Consumers, it is now well-known,
Throw pitches just outside the zone.
Remember, if his record galls,
He’s only calling strikes and balls.