As a film studies major I’ve been trained to sit through any cinematic experience — from Andy Warhol’s 8-hour long Empire (yes, 8 consecutive hours of the Empire State Building in real time) to Derek Jarman’s Blue (an hour plus of an unchanging blue screen dramatizing Jarman’s AIDS-related blindness) — and never abandon ship (incidentally I loved both films). It took all this training and more to endure this year’s Academy Award winner for Best Picture, Crash, which I saw this summer in, alas, its entirety. I’ve already written about how I’m not a huge fan of Brokeback Mountain, the other Oscar contender, but it’s definitely a better film than Crash, which I would have walked out on had it not been for my stalwart companions.

White critics like Roger Ebert, who proclaimed it the best film of the year, and David Denby of the New Yorker loved it. Denby wrote that it "makes previous movie treatments of prejudice seem like easy and self-congratulatory liberalizing."

I couldn’t disagree more; easy and self-congratulatory liberalizing is the epitome of the film. To my mind, Crash‘s central message is: There’s a lot of racism in the world, but it’s all rendered meaningless by a magical force. This force is called sheer coincidence. I’ll happily spoil the denouement for anyone who hasn’t seen it. The racist white cop (Matt Dillon) sexually molests a black women (Thandie Newton), but is really a good guy because he saves her from a car crash (oh, and because he loves his ailing poppy). His partner’s (Ryan Phillipe) anti-racist protests are really irrelevant because he ends up killing an innocent black teenager (Larenz Tate). Meanwhile, a rich, racist white woman (Sandra Bullock) unfairly suspects a Latino locksmith (Michael Pena) of being a crook, but it’s okay because her Latino maid (and best friend) takes care of her when she injures herself. And on and on and on through a "compassionate conservative" rainbow of cast members each with their own neatly moralistic (but totally individualized) racial melodramas. As with the well-awarded musical Avenue Q, the moral of Crash is: Don’t worry, everyone’s a little bit racist.

Anyway, my amateur film criticism aside, you’ll find a good dissection of Crash by sometime Nation writer Jeff Chang and Sylvia Chan over at Alternet. LA Weekly critic Scott Foundas called it the worst film of the year. I agree.