We Were Ready We Were Ready
CHORUS
We were ready--
Oh, so ready.
Sure, it happened, but those were the breaks.
And remember
That we never, ever make mistakes.
Apr 22, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Condoleezza (“Mushroom Cloud”) Rice Explains Her Silver Bullet Theory to the 9/11 Commission Condoleezza (“Mushroom Cloud”) Rice Explains Her Silver Bullet Theory to the 9/11 Commission
Because no silver bullet could have stopped
This horrifying deed from being done,
We cannot blame those dozing on the job
For never even loading up the gun.
Apr 15, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
I Can’t Appear Without My Nanny Dick I Can’t Appear Without My Nanny Dick
(George W. Bush explains the interview arrangements he's made with the 9/11 Commission)
Apr 8, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The 9/11 Commission Hears From Richard Clarke The 9/11 Commission Hears From Richard Clarke
When testimony came from Richard Clarke, he
Inspired White House spokesmen to get snarky,
Because, with words combining bite and bark, he
Apr 1, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Antonin Scalia Explains Antonin Scalia Explains
WHY DUCK-HUNTING WITH DICK CHENEY AS CHENEY'S CASE COMES BEFORE THE COURT IS PERFECTLY OK
This criticism Nino calls absurd.
It's true that Quackscam is an ugly word.
Mar 25, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
‘I’m an Old Cowhand,’ as Sung by George W. Bush ‘I’m an Old Cowhand,’ as Sung by George W. Bush
(With apologies to Johnny Mercer)
Mar 18, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On Whether the Martha Stewart Guilty Verdict Carries Implications for Those Involved in Prewar Intelligence Gathering On Whether the Martha Stewart Guilty Verdict Carries Implications for Those Involved in Prewar Intelligence Gathering
When federal authorities come by,
It's criminal if you concoct a lie.
The Feds don't think that lies are okey-dokey.
Will Chalabi, then, soon be in the pokey?
Mar 11, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
George W. Bush Speaks Out on Gay Marriage George W. Bush Speaks Out on Gay Marriage
He backs an amendment defining the vow
Of marriage as being a guy and his frau,
Lest civilization sink into a slough--
Which he says could happen. It isn't clear how.
Mar 4, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Farewell, Howard Dean Farewell, Howard Dean
A vote of thanks is due to Dr. Dean,
A comet on the presidential scene.
Once sure to win, he lost it all instead.
He made mistakes, but still it should be said
Feb 26, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
New (Sort of) Issue New (Sort of) Issue
Bush trotted out his whoppers with tranquillity,
Because the press responded with docility.
His goal was war. In order to fulfill it, he
Feb 19, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin