A President Who Listens To a Higher Authority A President Who Listens To a Higher Authority
He can't remember one mistake.
He'll stay on course till Hades freezes.
How can he be so certain still?
Because he's got the word from Jesus.
Oct 21, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A White House Spokesman Explains… A White House Spokesman Explains…
Why the Duelfer Report's Finding That Iraq Had No Weapons of Mass Destruction Provides Justification for Having Attacked Iraq in Order to Rid It of Weapons of Mass Destruction
Oct 14, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the President’s Boast That He Knew Osama Bin Laden Rather Than Saddam Hussein Was Behind 9/1 On the President’s Boast That He Knew Osama Bin Laden Rather Than Saddam Hussein Was Behind 9/1
That's excellent. So tell us: Why did you
For months imply the opposite was true?
And why does Cheney (Nanny Dick) still flog
Oct 7, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Why the Republicans Might Be Right That Osama bin Laden Is Rooting for John Kerry Why the Republicans Might Be Right That Osama bin Laden Is Rooting for John Kerry
Bin Laden is the name I bear,
And, modestly, I think it's fair
To say it's thought by spies and cops
Among all terrorists I'm tops.
And therefore it's a crying sha
Sep 30, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Poem of Republican Populism A Poem of Republican Populism
Our policies address the cares
Of heiresses and millionaires.
Our point of view reverberates
With folks who live behind high gates
Sep 23, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Short History of Someone Who Failed to Get Into the Champagne Unit of the Texas Air National Guard in 1968 A Short History of Someone Who Failed to Get Into the Champagne Unit of the Texas Air National Guard in 1968
I wasn't really for the war.
But all my kin, in wars before,
Had gone when called. I couldn't flee.
No, Canada was not for me.
Another thing that I was not
Sep 16, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Still Sliming Away Still Sliming Away
(Karl Rove & Co. knock off Paul Simon's "Slip Slidin' Away")
Sep 9, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Suggestion as America Begins Preparations for The Next Olympics A Suggestion as America Begins Preparations for The Next Olympics
We might provoke less violent demonstrations
If we invaded slightly fewer nations.
Sep 2, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Vietnam Confessions of George W. Bush The Vietnam Confessions of George W. Bush
"I am angry that so many sons of the powerful and well placed...managed to wangle slots in Reserve and National Guard units." --Colin Powell on the Vietnam War, in My American J...
Aug 26, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Bush, After Saying He’ll Cede Hollywood to the Democrats Because He Has the Regular People Behind Him, Sings a Song to That Effect, to the Tune of That Old Bush, After Saying He’ll Cede Hollywood to the Democrats Because He Has the Regular People Behind Him, Sings a Song to That Effect, to the Tune of That Old
Regular people, just plain working folks
Always stood out in my eyes.
I scorn all those people who drink wine instead
Of eating Frito pies.
Aug 12, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin