Hacker Unearths Paintings by George W. Bush Hacker Unearths Paintings by George W. Bush
To new artist George Bush (the junior), We welcome you. Greetings. Salaam. We’re eager to see your depiction Of nukes stashed away by Saddam.
Feb 13, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Task Ahead The Task Ahead
“The biggest donors in the Republican Party are financing a new group to recruit seasoned candidates and protect Senate incumbents from challenges by far-right conservatives and Tea Party enthusiasts.” —The New York Times They mean to weed the wackos out, To stanch electoral bleeding. From what we’ve seen, it’s going to take Some mighty powerful weeding.
Feb 6, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be a Paid Commentator on Fox News Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be a Paid Commentator on Fox News
The word that Palin’s off the Fox News teat Will strike so many folks as bittersweet. For many, Palin’s just the sort of gal you Would hire for her entertainment value. Though Palin, Ailes may think, no longer fits, he Might never find a substitute as ditsy.
Jan 30, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Message From Americans to France A Message From Americans to France
“As French troops intervene in Mali, the French take pride in their military capacity and in their independence of action.” —The New York Times We’re pleased to hear you like to intervene. We praise both your commitment and your style. Ourselves, we’ve wearied of this sort of thing. Perhaps you could take over for a while.
Jan 23, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Results of a Survey Asking the American People How They Feel About the Unending Discussion of the Fiscal Cliff, the Debt Ceiling, Restructuring Entitlements, Revenue Versus Spending, Etc., Etc., Etc. Results of a Survey Asking the American People How They Feel About the Unending Discussion of the Fiscal Cliff, the Debt Ceiling, Restructuring Entitlements, Revenue Versus Spending, Etc., Etc., Etc.
The subject is vital. We never would doubt it. We’d rather go broke, though, than hear more about it.
Jan 16, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The ‘New York Post’ Calls Wayne LaPierre a Nut The ‘New York Post’ Calls Wayne LaPierre a Nut
Considering the candidates they’ve backed, So many of whom really seemed half-cracked, It’s obvious—no ifs, no ands, no buts— If even these guys think he’s nuts, he’s nuts.
Jan 2, 2013 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Qualifications to Be Secretary of State, According to Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham Qualifications to Be Secretary of State, According to Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham
Though Condoleezza Rice had once avowed The smoking gun might be a mushroom cloud And thus invasion simply couldn’t wait, She was considered qualified for State. Reciting talking points on Sunday shows This year was quite sufficient to foreclose The chance that Susan Rice would ever lead At State—so Graham and McCain agreed. The senators, when left to their devices Make use of different rules for different Rices.
Dec 19, 2012 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Short Message to Those Who Have Signed Petitions Asking to Secede From the Union A Short Message to Those Who Have Signed Petitions Asking to Secede From the Union
We do respect your point of view. We’re glad to see the back of you.
Nov 28, 2012 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Mitt Romney Explains Why He Lost Mitt Romney Explains Why He Lost
Obama was clever as clever could be; To targeted groups he gave gifts that were free: Say, healthcare for free until age 26, And free contraceptives (for sex just for kicks). Debates in the primaries left our team bruised From harsh accusations the White House then used. Whatever the reason for losing might be, Of one thing I’m sure: it could not have been me. I’m perfect.
Nov 20, 2012 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Republican Soul Searching Republican Soul Searching
We’re searching our souls and we’re wondering why We got beat so badly our rivals are gloating. It’s obvious now where our campaign went wrong: We should have prevented more people from voting.
Nov 14, 2012 / Column / Calvin Trillin