Bush as Bigfoot Bush as Bigfoot
“Bush’s considerable assets so far have done little to reshape the early polls or keep others out of the race. If anything, it’s the opposite.” —The Washington Post When Jeb’s bid was starting to kindle, The field was predicted to dwindle. Now most pols agree: How tough can he be? He can’t even scare Bobby Jindal.
Apr 29, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Marco Rubio Declares Marco Rubio Declares
By coming in the race before Jeb Bush He shows he’s not in Bush’s hands just putty. And facing Paul and Cruz, his slogan’s clear: “Vote Marco Rubio— A Tad Less Nutty”
Apr 14, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Early Returns Early Returns
Paul is first, Walker second in CPAC straw vote. —News reports Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall, Just who’s the rightmost of them all? Yes, CPAC’s survey picked Rand Paul, But Walker managed to enthrall A host of cuckoos in that hall. Can either of them, come next fall, Retain Big Mo and thus forestall The latest Bush to be on call? For he brings with him to this brawl A signed-up big-bucks cash cabal.
Mar 4, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Scott Walker, Science and Iowa Scott Walker, Science and Iowa
“When he was asked about his belief in evolution, Mr. Walker said, ‘I’m going to punt on that one.’” — The New York Times In Iowa, the GOP contains A bloc of folks convinced that Darwin’s wrong. So when the subject’s raised, it’s no surprise If every candidate is fourth and long.
Feb 25, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Libertarian Medicine From Rand Paul, MD Libertarian Medicine From Rand Paul, MD
Senator Rand Paul, a doctor, says the measles vaccine can cause “profound mental disorders.” —News reports On vaccines, Paul says that what should be conceded Is state-imposed treatment leaves freedom impeded. One hopes parents know, lest this doofus be heeded, A second opinion in this case is needed.
Feb 11, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Romney, Not Finding Donor Support, Decides Not to Run Romney, Not Finding Donor Support, Decides Not to Run
Unlimited donations make The role of fat cats truly stunning. They don’t just sway who’ll win the race. It’s up to them to pick who’s running.
Feb 4, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia
So why did we remain steadfastly loyal To this repressive, autocratic royal Whose nation’s where jihadist teachers thrive? Two hints: it’s black. Without it, cars can’t drive.
Jan 28, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Magic Eyewear Magic Eyewear
Rick Perry now wears thoughtful glasses, With which, advisers think, he passes As someone worthy of reprises— A man whose brain now never freezes.
Jan 21, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Runnabee Reunion Runnabee Reunion
So Huckabee may run, and so may Mitt. And Rick Santorum has expressed disdain For rivals who could take the cuckoo vote. Who’s at the door? Could that be Herman Cain?
Jan 14, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Steve Scalise’s Defense Steve Scalise’s Defense
He spoke before he knew that group preached hate. That’s human error—cause for mild rebuke. Although the leader’s name does ring a bell, It might have been some other David Duke.
Jan 7, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin