Retro Retro
The corporate types are firmly in control. The Russians, it appears, have sent a mole To steal our secrets. And the Chinese wait For tension to develop in their Strait. It's ...
Apr 19, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Bush Administration’s Reversal Of Its Announcement That Testing School-Lunch Meat for Salmonella Would No Longer Be Required On the Bush Administration’s Reversal Of Its Announcement That Testing School-Lunch Meat for Salmonella Would No Longer Be Required
They'll check for salmonella, kids, It's safe as mozzarella, kids, Light up a panatella, kid. You've nothing more to fear. Give thanks for this new fella, kids. Sing p...
Apr 12, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The McCain-Feingold Bill The McCain-Feingold Bill
McCain and Feingold seem to have Big Mo: Soft money could now face a total ban. Which means some folks who've bought pols in the past Need now select a different purchase plan...
Apr 5, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Bush Administration Rescinding Stricter Limits on Arsenic in Drinking Water On the Bush Administration Rescinding Stricter Limits on Arsenic in Drinking Water
Yes, arsenic's in what we drink. That's not as scary as you think. Sure, hidden in the stroganoff It's used for knocking people off. But in your water it's OK. That's what t...
Mar 30, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On Bush Breaking His Campaign Pledge To Limit Carbon Dioxide Emissions* On Bush Breaking His Campaign Pledge To Limit Carbon Dioxide Emissions*
Yes, W. once took the view That CO2 is bad for you. He says he's had a turnabout: We make this stuff when breathing out, So dangerous is what it's not. From lobbyists you le...
Mar 22, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the White House Dress Code On the White House Dress Code
The President's demanding proper dress--
A tie, a coat, a shine on shoes or boots.
Some citizens may find this a relief:
We've now returned to government by suits.
Mar 15, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Scholarly Analysis of Dick Cheney’s Role in the George W. Bush Administration A Scholarly Analysis of Dick Cheney’s Role in the George W. Bush Administration
Though Bush the Elder was convinced His boy was now a man, he Decided, just to hedge his bet, To furnish him a nanny. Attentive parents always have A way of keeping tr...
Mar 8, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Democratic Lullaby to Bill Clinton A Democratic Lullaby to Bill Clinton
As Bush finds backs to pat and hands to shake, The Democrats can't seem to buy a break. The opposition doesn't coalesce, Because the spotlight's on the Clinton mess, A ...
Feb 23, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Short Course on Getting a Presidential Pardon While a Fugitive From Justice A Short Course on Getting a Presidential Pardon While a Fugitive From Justice
Apply a little grease
(Denise).
Then buy yourself an in
(Jack Quinn).
Feb 15, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
One Bush Scenario One Bush Scenario
With Democrats he must entice, he Has proven good at making nicey. So now, if everyone relaxes, He'll sharply cut all rich folks' taxes And help the oil biz and tobacco And nominate some right-wing wacko As Justice--qualified, he'll promise, Like Daddy did with Clarence Thomas. The Democrats will fold in batches, And light cigars with White House matches.
Feb 8, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin