Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld And, Alas, Powell Talk To the American People Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld And, Alas, Powell Talk To the American People
They pushed the CIA to say
That nukes could quickly come our way--
Saddam might, with a finger snap,
Remove Chicago from the map.
Jun 12, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Report on the Search For Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, From the Republican Military Command (Karl Rove, Lt. General, Commanding) Report on the Search For Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, From the Republican Military Command (Karl Rove, Lt. General, Commanding)
We can't yet find the nukes and gas,
Though we have looked in every section.
But we may find them in Iran--
And just before the next election.
Jun 5, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
We’re Safe From Saddam We’re Safe From Saddam
A Joyous Song of Deliverance for Spring
May 29, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Thoughts of Those Who Served in George W. Bush’s Air National Guard Unit Thoughts of Those Who Served in George W. Bush’s Air National Guard Unit
When he lands on the deck in his flight suit
To impress all the sailors he's greeting,
It looks grand, but there's one thing we're thinking:
May 22, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Wal-Mart Bans Maxim, Stuff and FHM Wal-Mart Bans Maxim, Stuff and FHM
Now Wal-Mart's banned those mags for lads
But so far hasn't banned the scads
Of other soft-core porn on view--
Like busty dolls that do kung fu,
May 15, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit
Bill Bennett told a grateful nation,
"Be moral. Just resist temptation."
By windbag airing of this thesis,
Bill Bennett got as rich as Croesus.
May 8, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On the Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, Whose Presence Was the On the Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, Whose Presence Was the
So maybe we will find them yet,
Well stashed away in some place clever.
Or were they just destroyed in March?
Or never there at all? Whatever.
May 1, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Wars Wars
(A preventive-war anthem sung to the tune of "Trees," by Joyce Kilmer, with piano accompaniment)
Apr 24, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On The Halliburton Corporation’s Iraq Contracts On The Halliburton Corporation’s Iraq Contracts
A lot of folks die.
At last the war ends.
The world is made safe
For Dick Cheney's friends.
Apr 17, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Everything George Bush Needs to Know He Learned on the Playground Everything George Bush Needs to Know He Learned on the Playground
Let's say that from the east while you look south
An icy snowball hits you in the mouth.
You see the kid who did it run, the wretch,
Apr 10, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin