Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House’s Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Election in Rhyme, is The Nation‘s “deadline poet.” He has been acclaimed in fields of writing that are remarkably diverse. As someone who has published solidly reported pieces in The New Yorker for forty years, he has been called “perhaps the finest reporter in America.” His wry commentary on the American scene and his books chronicling his adventures as a “happy eater” have earned him renown as “a classic American humorist.” His About Alice—a 2007 New York Times best seller that was hailed as “a miniature masterpiece”—followed two other best-selling memoirs, Remembering Denny and Messages from My Father.
So what if it's private, in their hacienda?
It's sodomy still, and enough to offend a
Respectable man, and we must never lend a
Leg up to that vile homosexual agenda!
They pushed the CIA to say
That nukes could quickly come our way--
Saddam might, with a finger snap,
Remove Chicago from the map.
We can't yet find the nukes and gas,
Though we have looked in every section.
But we may find them in Iran--
And just before the next election.
When he lands on the deck in his flight suit
To impress all the sailors he's greeting,
It looks grand, but there's one thing we're thinking:
Bill Bennett told a grateful nation,
"Be moral. Just resist temptation."
By windbag airing of this thesis,
Bill Bennett got as rich as Croesus.
So maybe we will find them yet,
Well stashed away in some place clever.
Or were they just destroyed in March?
Or never there at all? Whatever.