Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House’s Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Election in Rhyme, is The Nation‘s “deadline poet.” He has been acclaimed in fields of writing that are remarkably diverse. As someone who has published solidly reported pieces in The New Yorker for forty years, he has been called “perhaps the finest reporter in America.” His wry commentary on the American scene and his books chronicling his adventures as a “happy eater” have earned him renown as “a classic American humorist.” His About Alice—a 2007 New York Times best seller that was hailed as “a miniature masterpiece”—followed two other best-selling memoirs, Remembering Denny and Messages from My Father.
In canned obits that papers keep,
The second graf relates
The fact that Nader gave us Bush,
Through votes in several states.
The wacko right has mostly just disdain
For Schwarzenegger, Rudy and McCain.
But they'll be featured at the prime-time mike
As just the sort of folks swing voters like.
The commission's report starts anew
Nanny's fairy tales, worthy of Pooh.
For the contrary facts that accrue
Can do nothing to change Cheney's view.
When piqued at Ambassador Wilson
The Bushmen saw no reason why
They shouldn't just leak to all quarters
The name of a CIA spy.
Though theories of conspiracy crop up,
In fairness, one of them should be dissolved.
He died not in October but in June;
It should be clear that Rove was not involved.
You'll have a government real soon.
You'll see democracy writ large.
We promised sovereignty. It's yours.
And worry not: We're still in charge.
The learned Wolfowitz and Perle, it seems,
Made Chalabi the hero of their dreams.
Yes, all the Sissy Hawks were glad to sup
On cockamamie tales that he served up.
We'll give you back the country soon.
Your leaders at the end of June
Will be there democratically.
We'll let you know soon who they'll be.
By smashing evil-doers flat, we've said,
This war has changed Iraq forevermore.
So why is it that Kurds and Shiites start
Imagining they've seen this all before?