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George Bush Explains His Policy on Torture To Someone Who Is Being Waterboarded

Don't worry--it only feels like you're drowning.

Calvin Trillin

September 14, 2006

An "alternate set of procedures" Is what we’re applying right now. So please don’t confuse this with torture, That’s something I’d never allow.

I know when you feel you are drowning, You’re thinking, "They’re torturing me!" But torture is not what we call it, So torture it simply can’t be.

You’re lucky Americans got you, If torture’s the thing that you dread. An alternate set of procedures Is what we’re applying instead.

Calvin TrillinCalvin Trillin is The Nation’s “deadline poet.”


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