According to Director of the White House’s National Economic Council Larry Summers, there are legal obstacles to overcome before the government can rescind the misappropriated bonuses AIG paid to its bungling derivatives traders. In light of the White House’s legal waffling, Stephan Colbert agrees to lead “a mob so big, it cannot fail”–contingent, of course, upon the acceptance of his standard performance contract.

—Corbin Hiar

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