Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House’s Deciding the Next Decider: The 2008 Presidential Election in Rhyme, is The Nation‘s “deadline poet.” He has been acclaimed in fields of writing that are remarkably diverse. As someone who has published solidly reported pieces in The New Yorker for forty years, he has been called “perhaps the finest reporter in America.” His wry commentary on the American scene and his books chronicling his adventures as a “happy eater” have earned him renown as “a classic American humorist.” His About Alice—a 2007 New York Times best seller that was hailed as “a miniature masterpiece”—followed two other best-selling memoirs, Remembering Denny and Messages from My Father.
You tell us, with a casual by-the-way,
Iraq was not behind that awful day,
As if we'd never heard your staff and you
Implying just the opposite was true.
It may not do much good to beg her
To cast her vote for Schwarzenegger:
His flicks, the tales make pollsters rate her
A hater of the Terminator.
Well, yes, we may have used the word "appease."
We may have called you weenies who munch cheese.
But now we're asking nicely for your aid--
"The nerve! Not so! That word still rankles."
"You're sinking. I can't see your ankles."
"The thugs are here; we now just squeeze."
Sleep tight. There's no one making much ado.
So sleep this night, Big O--in peace, sleep through it.
The folks you bombed now never mention you.
So what if it's private, in their hacienda?
It's sodomy still, and enough to offend a
Respectable man, and we must never lend a
Leg up to that vile homosexual agenda!