A Bare-Bones Analysis of Tim Pawlenty’s Candidacy A Bare-Bones Analysis of Tim Pawlenty’s Candidacy
The news from Minnesota‘s Tim Pawlenty Is Tim Pawlenty‘s in New Hampshire plenty. He hopes to win in ’12, ’16 or ’20. But that’s not likely, say the cognoscenti.
Apr 17, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Yet Another Chapter in Trickle-Down Economics Yet Another Chapter in Trickle-Down Economics
“C.E.O.’s in finance, technology, energy and beyond are pulling down multimillion-dollar paychecks. What many of these executives aren’t doing, however, is hiring.” —the New York Times If you await a downward trickle, You’ve just received a wooden nickel.
Apr 14, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Donald Trump Demands That Obama Show His Birth Certificate Donald Trump Demands That Obama Show His Birth Certificate
All White House hopefuls we forewarn: You’ll have to prove that you were born. Before Trump hits the state of granite, He’ll have to tell us all the planet Upon which he was born and reared— Where loudmouths reign and hair is weird.
Mar 30, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Brief Summary of Military Intervention in Libya A Brief Summary of Military Intervention in Libya
We’re in. And now we mean to pulverize that lout. And meanwhile try to think of some way to get out.
Mar 24, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Without His Nurse Without His Nurse
Galyna Kolotnytska, described in diplomatic cables as the “voluptuous blond” nurse who accompanies Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi everywhere, has returned to Ukraine. —News reports While everybody says, “Just go!” His countrymen all surely know Adversity seems more adverse Without his nurse. “He’s bonkers,” people say. “That might Be why he rants into the night.” His talks get further still from terse Without his nurse. The body count is now quite large; He’s killed a lot to stay in charge. And all this killing must seem worse Without his nurse. It has to bring this man much pain To bear the crumbling of his reign And see his fortunes in reverse Without his nurse. Yes, Muammar now has to face This hatred from the human race And angry crowds that won’t disperse Without his nurse. The banks freeze billions of his loot. His people sorely want to boot Him out, or put him in a hearse Without his nurse. Could Allah show a bit of mercy And send poor Mu-Mu back his nursie?
Mar 10, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Governor Scott Walker Talks to ‘David Koch’ Governor Scott Walker Talks to ‘David Koch’
Scott Walker said that he was just a bloke Who, knowing that his state was going broke, Saw saving measures that he must invoke. But then, when he obsequiously spoke To someone who he thought was David Koch (It wasn’t Koch; a guy had played a joke), The phone pals made it clear they’d like to choke Off unions’ rights, and saw this as the stroke— A stroke disguised within a budget cloak— To start the unions’ going up in smoke. No surprise there.
Mar 3, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Swift Demise of Rep. Christopher Lee The Swift Demise of Rep. Christopher Lee
A member of Congress named Christopher Lee— A buff enough member, we all would agree— Was hoping on Craigslist to go on a spree. So, shirtless, he posted a “How about me?”— Not knowing that someone with Google could see He wasn’t the guy he’d pretended to be, And, yes, he was married and thus hardly free. Now Christopher Lee is naught but debris.
Feb 16, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Donald Rumsfeld’s Memoir Donald Rumsfeld’s Memoir
The book is fat, the message slim: Mistakes were made, but not by him.
Feb 10, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Ryan and Bachmann: A Response to the Responses Ryan and Bachmann: A Response to the Responses
A bore and a wacko! Together they caused Republican numbers to dwindle. And next year’s response? Some Republicans say, “So what was so bad about Jindal?”
Feb 3, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Berlusconi Scandals Berlusconi Scandals
Old satyrs revere Berlusconi. When finding himself home alone, he Just pays a good wage For girls underage, And gets them, though he’s old and bony.
Jan 27, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin