Deadline Poet

Day-O, an Afghan Calypso Day-O, an Afghan Calypso

(With apologies to Harry Belafonte, among others) Bombed all night by dat Yankee bunch Daylight come and de bombers go home Now dey'll drop some cashew crunch Daylight ...

Oct 25, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On V.S. Naipaul’s Nobel Prize On V.S. Naipaul’s Nobel Prize

So V.S. Naipaul finally gets the prize. It's said he's willing, through unblinking eyes, To make his observations, then recall The bleakest Third World countries, warts and al...

Oct 18, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Two-Pronged Approach to the Afghan People A Two-Pronged Approach to the Afghan People

By night our missiles rain on them, By day we drop them bread. They should be grateful for the food-- Unless, of course, they're dead.

Oct 11, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Indispensable Indispensable

(An old Nat "King" Cole song, as sung by Rudy "King" Giuliani) Indispensable, that's what I am. I'm an icon now, like Uncle Sam. I'm the rock this town is built up...

Oct 4, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Concise History of Danny Almonte’s Little League Career A Concise History of Danny Almonte’s Little League Career

It's like finding another Babe Ruth, But he seems a bit long in the tooth.

Sep 6, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Sultan’s Brother Does a Service to Humanity The Sultan’s Brother Does a Service to Humanity

The brother of the Sultan of Brunei Set out to see how much a guy could buy, And fifteen billion's what he finally spent Before the sultan voiced some discontent. The guilt o...

Aug 23, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On Kim Jong Il’s Announcement On Kim Jong Il’s Announcement

We said that Kim Jong Il was just the guy For whom we needed Star Wars in the sky. Now Kim Jong Il declares we needn't worry That he might up and bomb us in a hurry: He isn't testing for the missile race; He's got a moratorium in place. Does this, then, mean that we won't have to wield A multibillion-dollar missile shield? Well, no, for other wicked rogues remain. If they go, we'll find others as profane. If all rogues disappear, we won't be glum, We'll hope that if we build it, they will come.

Aug 9, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Leader of the Last Remaining Superpower Asserts Minimal Qualifications The Leader of the Last Remaining Superpower Asserts Minimal Qualifications

To those who say he cannot do it, Who claim his head is filled with suet, He says that he is plenty able To deal with issues on the table. Though he may have no depths to plu...

Jul 27, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Strong Dollar Clouds Prospects For Quick Rebound A Strong Dollar Clouds Prospects For Quick Rebound

      --Headline, New York Times The dollar's strong. That must be good. It's doing what a dollar should. Not so. The world cannot afford our...

Jul 12, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A New, Simpler Analysis of the Recent Bush-Putin Summit A New, Simpler Analysis of the Recent Bush-Putin Summit

Bush and Putin talk together, To each other's charms succumb. Bush thinks Putin can be trusted. Putin thinks that Bush is dumb. Bush and Putin end their meeting, Smile...

Jun 28, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin

x