A friend and I were sitting around commiserating about the things that get to us: unloading small indignities, comparing thorns. “So there I was,” she said, “sitting on the bus and this man across the aisle starts waving a copy of law professor Randall Kennedy’s new book Nigger. He’s got this mean-looking face with little raisiny eyes, and a pointy head, and he’s taking this book in and out of his backpack. He’s not reading it, mind you. He’s just flashing it at black people.”
“Don’t be so touchy,” I responded. “Professor Kennedy says that the N-word is just another word for ‘pal’ these days. So your guy was probably one of those muted souls you hear about on Fox cable, one of the ones who’s been totally silenced by too much political correctness. I’d assume he was just trying to sign ‘Have a nice day.'”
“Maybe so,” she said, digging through her purse and pulling out a copy of Michael Moore’s bestselling Stupid White Men. “But if I see him again, I’m armed with a ‘nice day’ of my own.”
“That’s not nice,” I tell her. “Besides, I’ve decided to get in on the publishing boom myself. My next book will be called Penis. I had been going to title it Civil Claims That Shaped the Evidentiary History of Primogeniture: Paternity and Inheritance Rights in Anglo-American Jurisprudence, 1883-1956, but somehow Penis seems so much more concise. We lawyers love concision.”
She raised one eyebrow. “And the mere fact that hordes of sweaty-palmed adolescents might line up to sneak home a copy, or that Howard Stern would pant over it all the way to the top of the bestseller list, or that college kids would make it the one book they take on spring break—-”
“…is the last thing on my mind,” I assured her. “Really, I’m just trying to engage in a scholarly debate about some of the more nuanced aspects of statutory interpretation under Rule 861, subsection (c), paragraph 2… And besides, now that South Park has made the word so much a part of popular culture, I fail to see what all the fuss is about. When I hear young people singing lyrics that use the P-word, I just hum along. After all, there are no bad words, just ungood hermeneutics.”
“No wonder Oprah canceled her book club,” she muttered.
Seriously. We do seem to have entered a weird season in which the exercise of First Amendment rights has become a kind of XXX-treme Sport, with people taking the concept of free speech for an Olympic workout, as though to build up that constitutional muscle. People speak not just freely but wantonly, thoughtlessly, mainlined from their hormones. We live in a minefield of scorched-earth, who-me-a-diplomat?, let’s-see-if-this-hurts words. As my young son twirls the radio dial in search of whatever pop music his friends are listening to, it is less the lyrics that alarm me than the disc jockeys, all of whom speak as though they were crashing cars. It makes me very grateful to have been part of the “love generation,” because for today’s youth, the spoken word seems governed by people from whom sticks and stones had to be wrested when they were children–truly unpleasant people who’ve spent years perfecting their remaining weapon: the words that can supposedly never hurt you.