While death benefits for troops in Iraq remain at $12,000, George W. Bush is throwing himself a $40 million party to celebrate the first time in his life he out-achieved his father. But the dynastic dysfunction continues into the next generation.

The Bush twins wanted to book Kid Rock to headline the inauguration youth concert they are hosting. But the White House was forced to disinvite him after family values groups complained about his vulgar, sex-soaked lyrics, including these lines from “Pimp of the Nation”:

Pimp of the Nation, I could be it
As a matter of a fact, I foresee it
But only pimpin’ hoes with the big tush
While you be left pimpin’ Barbara Bush

This leaves the Bush daughters with a problem: What star from the thin ranks of white male rappers can replace Kid Rock? It seems unlikely to be fellow Detroit native Eminem, who sang in his explosive pre-election release “Mosh”:

Let the president answer our high anarchy
Strap him with an AK-47, let him go fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way

As for the Beastie Boys, they rapped in “It Takes Time to Build”:

Maybe it’s time that we impeach Tex
And the military muscle that he wants to flex
By the time Bush is done, what will be left
Selling votes like E-pills at the discotheque
Environmental destruction and the national debt
But plenty of dollars left in the fat war chest

Of course, they can’t invite any of the musicians from the pro-Kerry, Vote for Change concerts: Bruce Springsteen; Pearl Jam; R.E.M.; Jackson Brown; Bonnie Raitt; Ben Harper; Crosby, Stills, & Nash; Sheryl Crow; Dave Matthews; the Dixie Chicks; Foo Fighters; Tracy Chapman; or Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds.

Is anyone left?

There are always the Republican stalwarts Ted Nugent and Brooks & Dunn. But here’s to hoping the Bush twins invite the Olsen Twins. It would be one wild and crazy after-party: “Double, double the trouble, double, double the fun.”