Let's look at the bright side of this interminable and essentially superficial election process. I'm hoping that, even if Mitt Romney wins, the upside will be that I get to be taxed at the same rate he has enjoyed as one of the nation's most skillful hedge fund hustlers.
I'm not asking for the super-low rate that he probably paid during the many years of tax returns he has refused to publicly disclose. Nothing that extreme — I can't afford his ingenious accountants. But I am hoping that Romney will set the top rate at the 14 percent that he was willing to admit to having paid on his $13.7 million in income in 2011 when he knew his tax records would have to be revealed to the public because he was running for tax-collector-in-chief.
If Romney would just commit to granting all of us the same deal that he gets from his hedge fund and capital gains tax breaks and offshore accounts, I might be tempted to join the ranks of terminally shortsighted white males who seemed poised to vote him into office. Of course, he has to make good on his promise in Florida that none of us senior citizens will ever lose a penny of what the GOP denigrates as our retirement "entitlements," and that all of his anti-socialist budget balancing cuts will be exclusively at the expense of younger folks. It's only socialism when government benefits are extended to people other than us.
I am down with the tea party types who demand that the government keep its clammy hands off our Social Security and Medicare programs. Yes, as long as Medicare remains a for-profit, free-market program, we seniors won't have to contend with death panels like under Obamacare. What we need instead of that socialist claptrap with which Obama has enslaved us is the insurance coverage that Romney required people in Massachusetts to purchase.
Oh yes, true Obamacare is exactly modeled on Romneycare, but just consider the source. When Romney mandated that citizens in his state be required to buy health insurance, it was an extension of the free market. But when Obama gets the same requirement passed for the rest of us, you just know how dark his motives are. At least we non-Kenyan white males do.
The same goes for this so-called education crisis that Obama keeps prattling on about. There's no need for national standards or federal support for education because, as Gov. Romney demonstrated in Massachusetts, it's a problem the states can solve on their own. What worked to make Massachusetts No. 1 in education will work in Mississippi without any outside meddling, like when the feds messed up Ole Miss with that integration stuff. They're both low-tax states run by fiscally conservative Republicans who share a common ethic of social concern for the most well-off.