The following solicitation from the Republican Committee to Re-elect the President (GOP-CREEP) reached us by mistake.
Dear Friend of the President:
We head toward the November Presidential election in a time of global terrorism, a sputtering economy, everybody getting fat and nobody getting educated. But let’s get serious. Come November, only money can safeguard an unbroken continuation of that vital balance of power between the Executive branch and the Executive branch’s friends.
Invest in your future. Give till your stockholders and employees hurt. Contribute now to the 2004 Republican Presidential re-election campaign!
“It’s fair to say that anybody who opposes the re-election of our President is a gutless weasel traitor!” –Fox News
PRIZES * PRIZES * PRIZES * PRIZES * PRIZES * PRIZES * PRIZES
You’ve learned from past donations that giving also means getting. Quid Pro Quo isn’t the motto of the Committee to Re-elect the President for nothing! And this year, in return for your financial support, the prizes are more exciting and more valuable than ever:
• $1 billion: Invasion of the country of your choice by US forces*
• $500 million: Supreme Court reversal of the Scopes Trial verdict
• $250 million: Notes-free White House meeting on Administration policy toward your industry. P.S. Bring your friends!
• $125 million: Discuss a legal case with the Supreme Court Justice of your choice
• $75 million: Presidential support of the Death Sentence for Gay Marrieds bill–includes a speech by Attorney General John Ashcroft
• $50 million: Be CIA head for the day
• $25 million: Declare a Homeland Security Department Orange Alert
• $10 million: Pajama party (ladies only) with First Lady, Lincoln bedroom
• $5 million: Write President’s Saturday radio address
• $1 million: Choice of “Bush 2004” coffee mug, tote bag or umbrella
* depending on availability