In Transports of Horror and Delight

London/Paris

It's most definitely not worth flying into Heathrow anymore. It always was a grim place, the trip thither or thence enhanced--this was many years ago--only by the beautiful Deco Firestone factory on the north side of the road. Then some swine bought the Firestone building and knocked it down overnight before the preservationists could muster and resist. The crawl down the A4 now lacks all allure, and the airport itself gets progressively uglier as the years roll by. In recent years the "war on terror" was blended in with innate British petty-minded obstructionism, culminating in the "one-bag rule," which has now entered the history books as a classic illustration of the incidental consequences of political ambition.

In August 2006 British Home Secretary John Reid, an ex-Communist Scottish bully of low mental caliber, disclosed a plot by Islamo-fascist chemists (homebrew division) to take liquids onto planes, blend them in the lavatory and then consign all on board to a fiery doom. The British press praised Reid's fearless mien and expressions of resolve to battle Terror whatever the cost, and he was touted as a possible successor to Tony Blair. Reid decided to keep his name on the front pages by banning all carry-on bags at Heathrow, thus instantly paralyzing the busiest airport in Europe.

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