As If I Had Become Happy

As if I had become happy: I went back. I pressed
the doorbell more than once, and waited...
(perhaps I am late. No one is opening the door, not
a groan in the hallway).
I remembered my house keys were with me, so I apologized
to myself: I forgot about you, come in.
We entered...I am the guest and the host in my house
I looked around at all that space contains, I found
no trace of me, perhaps...perhaps I was never here. I didn't
find a simile in mirrors. I thought: Where
am I? And then screamed to awaken from hallucination,
but I couldn't...I broke like a voice rolling
over the marble. And said: So why did you return?
Then I apologized to myself: I forgot about you. Leave!
But I couldn't. I walked to the bedroom, Dream
rushed toward me and embraced me asking:
Have you changed? I said: I have changed, because dying
at home is better than being run over by a car
on my way to an empty square!

Translated from the Arabic by Fady Joudah

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