"Governor!" I said. "You talk in your speech about investing in small businesses, and creating Sallie Mae-type loans to help them out..."

"That's right," he said.

"But how do Sallie Mae loans help small businesses fight off the Cargills and the Wal-Marts of the world? Isn't the problem of small businesses rooted in their inability to compete economically with massive companies? Isn't this more of a fundamental problem in our economy that will take more than a few loan programs to fix?"

Dean paused, then nodded. "Well," he said, "there's not a whole lot the federal government can do about that."

What the hell kind of answer is that? I thought. I was about to press the matter, when suddenly Miami Herald reporter Peter Wallsten pushed me aside and lunged at the candidate.

"Governor, getting back to substance," he said. "Is it true that you paint your own house?"

I turned to Wallsten in shock. Getting back to substance? Fuck you! I thought.

Dean laughed. "Um, yes, it is," he said.

"Why do you paint your own house?" Wallsten asked.

Dean shrugged. "To save money, I suppose," he said. "I'm kind of a tightwad."

A dozen hands at once scrambled to write the word "tightwad."

"Do you paint the inside, or the outside?" said Wilgoren, jumping in.

"Um, both," Dean said.

"Do you use a brush, or a..."

She made a gesture. "Or a roller?" Wallsten helped out.

"Uh, again, both," Dean said.

Suddenly I heard the voice of Colapinto yelling out behind me. "Governor!" he said. "Did you bring your harmonica on this trip?"

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