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Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

Imprisonment and torture are the sort
Of things that might just drive a person daft.
So just in case that happened to McCain,

The candidates are constantly reviewed.
The questions raised by analysts include:
Will Pat Buchanan matter as a mauler?

They like the way he's not afraid to say
That money lets the fat cats get their way.
They like his style, the fact he doesn't pander.

His real estate is in a slump
And wifey's proving hard to dump
And everyone he called a chump
Would like to see him on his rump.

Though Bob has said he's giddy over Liddy,
He didn't do a lot to help her, did he.

Some ask, "Is there a more self-righteous man?"
Or "Was he really out for Clinton's blood?"
Some citizens are left with only this:
"Amazing how he looks like Elmer Fudd!"

Among his more peculiar views,
He thought all Communists were Jews.
Historians must ponder how
He managed to account for Mao.

Author

Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...

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