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Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

Perhaps one shouldn't simply glom
On any stock that ends ".com"--
Except it's hard to tell just which
Of them will make you filthy rich.

When guns became the issue of the day,
Republicans, as is their custom, put
Their party right behind the NRA,
And shot themselves quite badly in the foot.

We welcome out Ms. Amy Fisher
And all of us sincerely wish her
Success in any field she might embrace.
We hope that she'll avoid the showy,

A pity that our missiles went astray--
The kind of act we'd make a tort of.
Sincerely, USA would like to say
We're really very sorry, sort of.

So Slobodan said prayers with Jesse.
But prayed for what? Who knows? I'd guess he
Would say, "So stop the bombs!" and then amens.
Except when bombs no longer shower

Republicans seem rather sour
About the run of Gary Bauer.
But Democrats are glad to greet
The one opponent Gore might beat.

They're asking now, "Wherefore Al Gore?"
They're thinking now, "Should we explore
A few alternatives before
We find too late we've bet the store

We're bombing you back to the Stone Age, Slobo,

To teach you that you must behave.

When all of our bombing is finished, Slobo,

Author

Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...

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