Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

When he was king, the Democrats
Saw Newt as all that's rotten.
Though he's long gone, they're making sure
He doesn't get forgotten.

On every ad, they talk of Newt's
Disasters and venality.
Yes, Newt can rest assured he'll have
A certain immortality.

What Bill was asked to do Bill always did.
There was no better soldier on the scene.
So why at Veep time won't he get the bid?
'Twas lost behind the copying machine.

You really think you're going to go--
Just take your dough and leave the show?
Oh, well. I guess we'll see you, Ross.
We'll manage, somehow, with the loss.

You cannot find a job? No cash is flowing?
You haven't paid your bills, which have been growing?
You'll never get the money you've been owing?

So Clinton's found the key once more
To triumphs he can savor:
He takes the lead on issues that
Republicans all favor.

The health news really walloped Rudy.
He dissed his wife, and in that mood he
Went strolling with his good friend Judi--
And found himself in deepest doodie.

So Ford now says the SUV
Is very bad for you and me.
It slurps gas to a fare-thee-well,
And makes the earth as hot as hell.
Its weight means any car it hits


Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...