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Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

If Georgia's Miller did decide
He's really on the other side,
The Democrats might then connive
To make Strom prove he's still alive.

They thought that Jeffords was their bane,
But now they see that John McCain,
Who shrugs off efforts to restrain
His longtime love of speaking plain,
And likes to jerk George Bush's chain
And demonstrate complete disdain
For rules Republicans maintain,
Could cause them even greater pain--
Could, thinking he's the knight Gawain
(Or pilot of a fighter plane),
Just bolt, and run his own campaign
To be a sagebrush Charlemagne.

In him they don't know what they've got.
One thing's for sure: Trent Lott he's not.

For years, estates of wealthy men were taxed--
The sort of thing that spoils a nice goodbye.
The tax will disappear by 2010.
And then the rich will find it safe to die.

So Rudy's lawyer, playing the piranha,
Decided he'd gain ground by dissing Donna.
The judge, appalled that anyone could be
As crude as that, then squashed him like a flea.
The lesson litigants should now acquire?
When looking for a lawyer, you should hire,
Unless you want your fortunes going south,
A mouthpiece with a somewhat smaller mouth.

The FBI knows every way
To put a case in disarray.
For years they managed to mislay
Some tapes a Birmingham DA
Could use against the KKK.
Because some files had gone astray
It seems that Timothy McVeigh
Will live to die another day.
The FBI knows every way
To put a case in disarray.

The corporate types are firmly in control.
The Russians, it appears, have sent a mole
To steal our secrets. And the Chinese wait
For tension to develop in their Strait.
It's all so fifties! Wouldn't it be weird
If Engine Charlie Wilson reappeared?

They'll check for salmonella, kids,
It's safe as mozzarella, kids,
Light up a panatella, kid.
You've nothing more to fear.

Give thanks for this new fella, kids.
Sing praises a cappella, kids.
Let Bush be your umbrella, kids.
Compassion's finally here.

Author

Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...

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