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Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

He says that what he said about the Jews
(They own and thus manipulate the news)
Is not, of course, reflective of his views.
So what part of the news did those Jews lose?

A place was found for Mr. Cheney
Where, even if the missiles rain, he
Can carry on his governing nonstop.
They then found bunkers down so far
That closed-lip Bushies even are
More secretive than they have been on top.

So if some heinous act occurred,
Our continuity's assured:
The government will run forevermore.
And since the Congress has no caves,
There'll be no Waxmans to make waves--
Which should make things much smoother than before.

The OSI's intent to disinform
Received responses that were less than warm.
The Pentagon now says it doesn't need
An office just to lie and to mislead.
There is, though, one false fact they're not eschewing:
The notion that the brass know what they're doing.

We're told that this campaign reform is not
The end-all of the sleaziness we've got.
But it must have some worthwhile changes in it
If Tom DeLay and Hastert are agin it.

(A Houston version of the Irish folk song)

Oh, Kenny Boy, your friends are disappearing.
They don't know you, much less your kvetchy wife.
Yes, it's sad when pols that you've been shmeering
Now hope that you'll get twenty years to life.
They sang your song: They passed deregulation.
They passed your laws. They bent the regs your way.
But now they track your every obfuscation.
Old Kenny Boy, their Kenny Boy's now Mr. Lay.

(With apologies to Stephen Foster)

The Enron hearings stretch ahead,
Doo-dah, doo-dah,
Until the final soundbite's said.
Oh, doo-dah day.

Pols will posture night,
Pols will posture day.
They'll show the voters just how tough they are,
Browbeating some CPA.

They'll talk of all the laws they'll make,
Doo-dah, doo-dah.
And meanwhile they're still on the take.
Oh, doo-dah day.

Pols will posture day,
Pols will posture night.
The guy who's shmeered them for a dozen years
Now is the guy they'd indict.

Author

Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...

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