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Deadline Poet | The Nation

Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

(With apologies to Harry Belafonte, among others)

Bombed all night by dat Yankee bunch
Daylight come and de bombers go home
Now dey'll drop some cashew crunch
Daylight come and de bombers go home

Day-o, day-o
Bad guys hide in dere catacomb
Day-o, day-o,

'Til dose bombers have said shalom.

Hey, Mr. Taliban, shoutin' your hosannas
Daylight come and de bombers go home
You're de Kool-Aid makin' dese Guyanas
Daylight come and de bombers go home

Day-o, day-o,
Daylight come and de bombers go home
Day-o, day-o,
Daylight come and de bombers go home.

So V.S. Naipaul finally gets the prize.
It's said he's willing, through unblinking eyes,
To make his observations, then recall
The bleakest Third World countries, warts and all.
While valuing his writing, I still think
It wouldn't hurt if, now and then, he'd blink.

By night our missiles rain on them,
By day we drop them bread.
They should be grateful for the food--
Unless, of course, they're dead.

(An old Nat "King" Cole song, as sung by Rudy "King"
Giuliani)

Indispensable, that's what I am.
I'm an
icon now, like Uncle Sam.
I'm the rock this town is built
upon.
Après moi, no one could carry on.
No one
but me
Could possibly be
(bah, bah, bah)
Indispensable,
the mayor for life.
No one worries now about my wife.
So, you
see, I've simply got to stay.
I'll be mayor forever and a
day.
And I'll still be indispensable then.

The brother of the Sultan of Brunei
Set out to see how much a guy could buy,
And fifteen billion's what he finally spent
Before the sultan voiced some discontent.
The guilt of many shoppers was assuaged.
The most committed shopaholic gauged,
"I'd really have to spend a lot more dough
To be a spendthrift like the sultan's bro."

Author

Calvin Trillin
Calvin Trillin, the author of Random House's Deciding the Next Decider:...

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