Deadline Poet

Calvin Trillin

On Kim Jong Il's Announcement (Politics)

We said that Kim Jong Il was just the guy
For whom we needed Star Wars in the sky.
Now Kim Jong Il declares we needn't worry
That he might up and bomb us in a hurry:
He isn't testing for the missile race;
He's got a moratorium in place.
Does this, then, mean that we won't have to wield
A multibillion-dollar missile shield?
Well, no, for other wicked rogues remain.
If they go, we'll find others as profane.
If all rogues disappear, we won't be glum,
We'll hope that if we build it, they will come.

Calvin Trillin

The Leader of the Last Remaining Superpower Asserts Minimal Qualifications (Politics)

To those who say he cannot do it,
Who claim his head is filled with suet,
He says that he is plenty able
To deal with issues on the table.
Though he may have no depths to plumb,
He says for sure he isn't dumb.
It's almost more than we could hope:
The President is not a dope.

Calvin Trillin

A Strong Dollar Clouds Prospects For Quick Rebound (Politics)

--Headline, New York Times

The dollar's strong. That must be good.
It's doing what a dollar should.
Not so.
The world cannot afford our junk.
You see: It's never what you thunk.
Go know!

Calvin Trillin

A New, Simpler Analysis of the Recent Bush-Putin Summit (Politics)

Bush and Putin talk together,
To each other's charms succumb.
Bush thinks Putin can be trusted.
Putin thinks that Bush is dumb.

Bush and Putin end their meeting,
Smile until their mouths are numb.
Bush thinks Putin can be trusted.
Putin thinks that Bush is dumb.

Calvin Trillin

A Former Fraternity President Deals With the Nuclear Proliferation Issue (Politics)

Though Bush intends to drop the missile treaty,
He's happy that this Putin guy's so neat, he
Will prove to be the nicest sort of Roosky.
So just relax, and crack yourself a brewski.

Calvin Trillin

Post-Jeffords Slippery Slope in the Senate (Politics)

If Georgia's Miller did decide
He's really on the other side,
The Democrats might then connive
To make Strom prove he's still alive.

Calvin Trillin

The Republicans and John McCain (Politics)

They thought that Jeffords was their bane,
But now they see that John McCain,
Who shrugs off efforts to restrain
His longtime love of speaking plain,
And likes to jerk George Bush's chain
And demonstrate complete disdain
For rules Republicans maintain,
Could cause them even greater pain--
Could, thinking he's the knight Gawain
(Or pilot of a fighter plane),
Just bolt, and run his own campaign
To be a sagebrush Charlemagne.

In him they don't know what they've got.
One thing's for sure: Trent Lott he's not.

Calvin Trillin

On the Gradual End of the Estate Tax (Politics)

For years, estates of wealthy men were taxed--
The sort of thing that spoils a nice goodbye.
The tax will disappear by 2010.
And then the rich will find it safe to die.

Calvin Trillin