A Time to Mourn

The wisdom of wars can be debated on any day, and this column has not hesitated to question the thinking -- or, to be more precise, the lack of thinking -- that has led the United States to the current quagmire in Iraq.

But on Memorial Day, it is well to pause from the debate to remember those whose lives have been lost, not merely to the fool's mission of the contemporary moment but to all those battles – noble and ignoble – that have claimed the sons and daughters of this and every land.

After the bloodiest and most divisive of America's wars, the poet Walt Whitman offered a dirge for two soldiers of the opposing armies -- Civil War veterans, buried side by side. His poem is an apt reminder that, when the fighting is done, those who warred against one another often find themselves in the same place. It is appropriate that we should garland each grave, understanding on this day above all others that wars are conceived by presidents and prime ministers, not soldiers.

It is appropriate, as well, and perhaps a bit soothing, to recall Whitman's wise words:

The last sunbeam

My heart gives you love.

Comments (27)

1. To the Father and Mother of Col. Elmer E. Ellsworth:

   My dear Sir and Madam, In the untimely loss of your noble son, our affliction here, is scarcely less than your own. So much of promised usefulness to one's country, and of bright hopes for one's self and friends, have rarely been so suddenly dashed, as in his fall. In size, in years, and in youthful appearance, a boy only, his power to command men, was surpassingly great. This power, combined with a fine intellect, an indomitable energy, and a taste altogether military, constituted in him, as seemed to me, the best natural talent, in that department, I ever knew. And yet he was singularly modest and deferential in social intercourse. My acquaintance with him began less than two years ago; yet through the latter half of the intervening period, it was as intimate as the disparity of our ages, and my engrossing engagements, would permit. To me, he appeared to have no indulgences or pastimes; and I never heard him utter a profane, or intemperate word. What was conclusive of his good heart, he never forgot his parents. The honors he labored for so laudably, and, in the sad end, so gallantly gave his life, he meant for them, no less than for himself.

   In the hope that it may be no intrusion upon the sacredness of your sorrow, I have ventured to address you this tribute to the memory of my young friend, and your brave and early fallen child.

   May God give you that consolation which is beyond all earthly power. Sincerely your friend in a common affliction --

   A. Lincoln

   Posted by Lillian at 05/28/2006 @ 12:52pm

2. Dear Sarah,

   The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps tomorrow, and lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of The Revolution, and I am willing, perfectly willing, to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government and to pay that debt.

   Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistible with all those chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes and future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.

   If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me in the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been! But, oh, Sarah - if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you in the brightest day and the darkest night - always, always. And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath - with the cool air your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead, think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

   (One week later, Major Sullivan Balloo was killed in the first battle of Bull Run)

   Posted by Will C. at 05/28/2006 @ 3:21pm

3. Troops who have fallen victim to support, can now have a plastic toy play TAPS for them at their funeral, since there is a shortage of buglers that the military is otherwise unable to overcome.

   http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,71404,00.html

   Department of Defense Press Officer Lt. James Cassella said the bugles are the Pentagon's way of solving an increasingly pressing problem: With more and more veterans dying and fewer and fewer soldiers able to play the bugle, it's harder to guarantee the ceremonial funeral to everyone who has served in the U.S. Armed Forces.

   "Now we have 1,800 veterans dying every day, and we have in the armed services less than 500 servicemen who can play the bugle," Cassella said.

   The TAPS electronic bugler was approved for military funerals by Donald Rumsfeld in 2003.

   Posted by conshame at 05/28/2006 @ 3:48pm

4. Executive Mansion, Washington, Nov. 21, 1864 [Letter to Mrs. Bixby]

   Dear Madam,

   I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

   I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

   I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of Freedom. Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

   Abraham Lincoln

   Posted by oraibi1952 at 05/28/2006 @ 7:53pm

5. While my heart abounds with unconditional Love for all those dead and living

   Nonetheless warred by the smart stupidity of a fool's mission

   I think everything "furnishes its part to the soul"

   May all mourners mock we grievers to act and react

   Posted by sharatsastry at 05/28/2006 @ 11:27pm

6. Excerpt of a letter from Army Pfc. Jesse A. Givens, 34, of Springfield, Mo. Private Givens was killed May 1 when his tank fell into the Euphrates River after the bank on which he was parked gave way. This letter was written to be delivered to his family if he died. Melissa is his wife, Dakota his 6-year-old stepson and Bean the name he used for his son, Carson, who was born May 29.

   My family,

   I never thought that I would be writing a letter like this. I really don't know where to start. I've been getting bad feelings, though and, well, if you are reading this. . . .

   The happiest moments in my life all deal with my little family. I will always have with me the small moments we all shared. The moments when you quit taking life so serious and smiled. The sounds of a beautiful boy's laughter or the simple nudge of a baby unborn. You will never know how complete you have made me. You saved me from loneliness and taught me how to think beyond myself. You taught me how to live and to love. You opened my eyes to a world I never dreamed existed.

   Dakota . . . you taught me how to care until it hurts, you taught me how to smile again. You taught me that life isn't so serious and sometimes you just have to play. You have a big, beautiful heart. Through life you need to keep it open and follow it. Never be afraid to be yourself. I will always be there in our park when you dream so we can play. I love you, and hope someday you will understand why I didn't come home. Please be proud of me.

   Bean, I never got to see you but I know in my heart you are beautiful. I know you will be strong and big-hearted like your mom and brother. I will always have with me the feel of the soft nudges on your mom's belly, and the joy I felt when I found out you were on your way. I love you, Bean.

   Melissa, I have never been as blessed as the day I met you. You are my angel, soulmate, wife, lover and best friend. I am sorry. I did not want to have to write this letter. There is so much more I need to say, so much more I need to share. A lifetime's worth. I married you for a million lifetimes. That's how long I will be with you. Please keep my babies safe. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you alone. . . . Teach our babies to live life to the fullest, tell yourself to do the same.

   I will always be there with you, Melissa. I will always want you, need you and love you, in my heart, my mind and my soul. Do me a favor, after you tuck the children in. Give them hugs and kisses from me. Go outside and look at the stars and count them. Don't forget to smile.

   Love Always, Your husband, Jess

   Posted by loveloki at 05/29/2006 @ 12:21am

7. Excerpts of letters from Army Pfc. Rachel K. Bosveld, 19, of Oshkosh, Wis., who was killed Oct. 26 in a mortar attack.

   Tuesday, Oct. 14

   Mom,

   I'm doing fine, Mom. Yes, I did get into a sort of accident, if that's what you call it. We were hit by an IED (improvised explosive device) or RPG (rocket-propelled grenade), which set our truck on fire because it struck the battery and fuel line. My neck and shoulder were pretty banged up for about two weeks. My shoulder popped (dislocated) and I jammed my neck as well. I lost my hearing in my left ear for a few weeks. My hearing in general isn't good at all anymore. I've been through my share of explosives. I'm sending pictures home to be developed of my truck (or what's left of it). I took a few of me with the truck, so you could all see that I'm O.K.

   It's still pretty warm during the day, but gets very chilly at night. Could you try and find one of my hooded sweatshirts to send to me?

   Right now I'm soaking my feet. My feet take a beating in these boots. My feet are all cut up and sore. . . . Feels soooooo good now, anyway. I guess I haven't been taking as good care of myself this month. We have a physical training test I'm getting ready for. This month and last we haven't gotten much time to do P.T. So I work, sleep, work, P.T., work -- oh, and eat.

   Well Mom, my 20-minute soak is up. Take care. I love you. Don't worry so much about me, Mom, my intuition has already saved a few lives here and my own as well.

   Monday, Oct. 20

   I'm doing great this week. Sure, I've dodged lots of bullets and such, gotten little to no sleep and eaten nasty food, but I am doing great.

   I got to drive a tank! I got a tour, learned how to operate everything, load everything, and I got to DRIVE IT! I was tooth from ear to ear!

   I'm getting a Purple Heart for the accident, along with eight other people in my platoon. . . . Someone is always getting injured here. There have been no fatalities so far in my company, though, just lots of injuries.

   So, how are you? Eighteen days till my birthday! I can't wait! No one probably even knows when it is over here.

   Well, bye for now, just wanted to let you know I'm O.K. and I miss you.

   I love you, Rachel

   Posted by loveloki at 05/29/2006 @ 12:25am

8. I just want to express my gratitude to all who have served and who have fallen in defense of my rights and home as an American. It is a debt that I am unable to repay. I want you to know I support you and want all of you who away from home to return soon.

   Thank you.

   Posted by john maasch at 05/29/2006 @ 10:42am

9. Posted by JOHN MAASCH 05/29/2006 @ 10:42am

   amen to that...

   Posted by ibbleblibble at 05/29/2006 @ 11:23am

10. I struggle mightily with words after reading the article, the poem and the comments. The comments are the most gut-wrenching, indeed. The two letters from Pres. Lincoln are in such stunning contrast to what we are dealing with now in this regime. I am a mother of young people, I am a former wife of someone who was fortunate enough to be too heavy to be drafted, and a daughter whose mother's first fiance before my father was killed in a war. War has directed my life in so many ways. And it still does. I spend hours each day trying to play catchup for decades of nearly complete myopia about these issues and now feel I have to live such a schizoid life, the more I learn, in order to somehow remain in any kind of viable relationship with blood relations. IT feels like I am getting farther and farther and farther away from my own family members and instead finding others who feel more family to me from an intergalactic standpoint, for we of course are not alone in this universe. And one of the most important things I've learned is that the picture is far, far larger than we've been told, for decades and beyond. And things are going to change, with their help and our persistent patience and steadfastness. This process has begun; pay attention. Stay awake. Keep an open mind. Keep moving always toward the Light of integrity, insight, intuition in its healthiest form, compassion, sharing with those around you, saying NO but always countering that with a very large YES, loving and respecting ALL LIFE around you as if tomorrow you could be elsewhere. Bless you John Nichols, and bless us all through a profoundly transformational time that is bringing us to our knees and then to our feet again, with eyes/arms open wide, inviting what we have been evolving toward as a species and truly as members of ALL LIFE. Kris Knight

    Posted by Kris Knight at 05/29/2006 @ 3:07pm

11. I have mixed feelings on this Memorial Day. I have nothing but respect and honor for all those who have given their lives for what they thought were noble causes. I am very saddened, though, that so many have died under the misunderstanding that they were indeed fighting for a noble cause when in fact they were fighting for rather shallow, stupid ideas. How many will die because George Bush had to show up his father? We know 50,000 Americans and a million Vietnamese died because everyone bought the foolish argument that Communism would soon be at our shores if we "didn't stop the dominoes" in Southeast Asia. We lost and still no Communist hordes wading ashore in California... Humans are resilient, but it would be hard for mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters everywhere to continue to go on if they didn't convince themselves that the deaths of their loved one was for a noble cause. And it always becomes harder to stop such folley after the deaths of so many. We want so much to be able to justify those deaths. Some day perhaps we can learn to stop such nonsense before it happens.

    Posted by traveldoc at 05/29/2006 @ 4:41pm

12. I am an enlisted veteran of American military service from 1951 to 1953 during the Korean War. During World War II, four siblings served in the armed forces fighting fascism, one in Europe from 1942 to 1945, another in the Pacific 1944 to 1946, and two stateside. America was attacked in December of 1941: America did not attack any country whereas Adolph Hitler did attack Poland, thus initiating World War II. Hitler's attack, identified internationally as armed aggression, against a very weak Poland was condemned throughout the world just as George Bush's armed aggression (he identified euphemistically as preemption) against Poland received international condemnation.

    However, it's the soldiers who bleed and die for the follies of their commanders: it matters not whether it be dictator or president.

    The American people share responsibility for decisions they made at the ballot box that involve their sons and daughters, and American presidents should not engage in military adventures they themselves have avoided. The military is not a football team, and war should never be viewed in that context: war is a lethal business!

    Posted by Spider540 at 05/29/2006 @ 5:34pm

13. On behalf of everyone who has lost a family member to the Iraq Meatgrinder I would like to extend, on this Memorial Day, an invitation:

    To everyone who voted prowar in '04, whether for George "Bring It On" Bush or John "Send More Troops" Kerry, I hereby invite you to take your condolences and cram them right up your ass.

    Every last one of you.

    Posted by AlanSmithee at 05/29/2006 @ 5:53pm

14. Memorial day Seneca , the Roman statesman and philosopher, stated that while: "It is noble to honor those who have given their lives for the Republic." He spoke so with great sadness in his voice, knowing that by honoring them, we send others to the same fate. Jonathan Schelll in his book, The Unconquerable World, quotes Virgil: "Of Arms, and the man I sing." wrote Vigil of his patron Caesar Augustus, in the opening lines of The Aeneid, later memorized by generations of English schoolboys, who were soon sent out to fight for an empire greater than Rome's. "The man," a patriot, bound to fight or perhaps to die for his country and all the it possessed and stood for. The Athenian statesman Pericles, eulogized the soldiers of Athens who had died at Marathon. Pericles said they would be accorded "praises that never grow old, the most splendid of sepulchers - not where their bodies are lain, but where their glory remains eternal in men's minds, always there on the right occasion to stir others to speech or to action." On these foundations was raised a system of standing up for principle with force, right with might at its worst, of plunder exploitation, and massacre that was to last from ancient Greece and Rome to present time. The past century was the bloodiest in all of history, over a hundred million human beings killed in wars. Have we learned nothing from from war's misery and the suffering of so many? It seems far too little as our young men and women are still being sent into harm's way. While we are must be grateful for the sacrifice of those who gave their lives for their country, not all are victims of foreign powers. No one would ever like to admit that anyone would have died for a lie or a mistake, but history reveals that sometimes this has happened. On April 25, 1897 Congress declared that a state of war existed between the United states and Spain over Cuba. Members of the House sang rousing choruses of "Dixie" and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." "Remember the Maine." became a jingoistic slogan. The battleship Maine was sunk by an internal explosion not by enemy action. In 1964, President Johnson used a murky set of events in the Gulf of Tonkin, off the coast of North Vietnam, to launch a full-scale war on Vietnam. The American public was told that there was an attack by North Vietnamese torpedo boats on American destroyers. "while on routine patrol in international waters." That event history reveals, never happened. The current war happen as a result of the decisions of a few powerful people and to extend America's strategic dominance over the world by military power. The American public were told that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. This we now know was not true. The billions of dollars dedicated to military expenditures could be used instead to feed, house, educate, and alleviate the suffering in our own country and in our global family. Christian peace organizations such as Pax Christi, and the Fellowship of Reconciliation have promoted peace education and alternatives to war for decades, as have the Quakers, while christian churches tend to support the popular view that war and torture are a necessary for our national security. It has been suggested that a white poppy be worn as an alternative flower to the red poppy. The white poppy would not only recall the war dead but symbolize the belief that there are better ways to solve conflicts that the institution of war. This Memorial day, wouldn't a deeper commitment to peace be a more fitting tribute to all our war dead.

    Rich Brodeick 330 Brownell Rd. Cambridge, NY 12816 Tel: (518) 692-1742

    Posted by richaroo at 05/29/2006 @ 6:07pm

15. Thank you.

    Posted by jbflack at 05/29/2006 @ 7:43pm

16. My faith in the character and good sense of ordinary human beings was supported this morning by the C-SPAN call ins. Veterans of wars from WW2 to Iraq almost universally expressed an abhorrence of the realities of wars and strongly affirmed the necessity for pursuing other ways to resolve all human conflicts.

    From Mark Twain's War Prayer; (full text http://www.zoofence.com/amper.html#current)

    "O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle -- be Thou near them! With them -- in spirit -- we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with hurricanes of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it -- for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen."

    [After a pause.] "Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits."

    It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.

    Posted by wlwatkins at 05/29/2006 @ 9:38pm

17. ya right rio.

    people who oppose the war don't care about the victims of 911. even on this thread, you resort to cheap shots against those who disagree with you.

    the depths to which you sink will never cease to amaze me.

    Posted by loveloki at 05/30/2006 @ 12:20am

18. You forgot these people Rio.

    They count too.

    National Vital Statistics [cdc.gov]

    Table 1. Deaths, percentage of total deaths, and death rates for the 10 leading causes of death in selected age groups, by race and sex: United States, 2001

    Cause.................................................# of Deaths

    Allcauses ...............................................2,416,425

    1 Diseases of heart................................... 700,142

    2 Malignant neoplasms ..............................553,768

    3 Cerebrovascular diseases .......................163,538

    4 Chronic lower respiratory diseases...........123,013

    5 Accidents (unintentional injuries)..............101,537

    6 Diabetes mellitus .....................................71,372

    7 Influenza and pneumonia .........................62,034

    8 Alzheimer's disease .................................53,852

    9 Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome and nephrosis .39,480

    10 Septicemia.............................................32,238

    All other causes ........................(Residual) 515,451

    Posted by Will C. at 05/30/2006 @ 12:36am

19. My father died that year rio.

    Prior to 9/11

    he was a WWII vet. Retired full time guardsmen. We had a rough time getting an honor guard for him.

    His life was no less valuable. His death...

    no less painful

    Posted by Will C. at 05/30/2006 @ 12:42am

20. In honor of all those who have fallen.

    CT

    Posted by CHIP THORNTON at 05/30/2006 @ 08:20am

21. While they died for their country, soldiers of some religions are still considered posthumous "2nd class citizens"...a clear discrimination and I hope this widow the best in her endeavors ... Damned shame

    Posted by leftofcenter at 05/30/2006 @ 10:13am

22. Wow...there's even a blog about it Blog

    Posted by leftofcenter at 05/30/2006 @ 10:22am

23. what's that lump in my throut, what's that ache in my chest.

    Posted by zen at 05/30/2006 @ 10:56am

24. thanks for the info, leftofcenter. that is a damned shame.

    Posted by loveloki at 05/30/2006 @ 10:58am

25. I was reminded of another Whitman poem which describes a family receiving news regarding a son, killed in the war. This poem came to mind in the heart-breaking sequence in "Saving Private Ryan" when we see the lovely farm and farmhouse and then the military car driving up to deliver the bad news. Death is inevitable in war - hence the decision to go to war must bear in mind the incalculable human cost.

    [My apologies for not preserving the line breaks in the following]

    Come up from the Fields, Father

    Come up from the fields, father, here's a letter from our Pete; And come to the front door, mother--here's a letter from thy dear son.

    Lo, 'tis autumn; Lo, where the trees, deeper green, yellower and redder, Cool and sweeten Ohio's villages, with leaves fluttering in the moderate wind; Where apples ripe in the orchards hang, and grapes on the trellis'd vines; (Smell you the smell of the grapes on the vines? Smell you the buckwheat, where the bees were lately buzzing?)

    Above all, lo, the sky, so calm, so transparent after the rain, and with wondrous clouds; Below, too, all calm, all vital and beautiful--and the farm prospers well.

    Down in the fields all prospers well; But now from the fields come, father--come at the daughter's call; And come to the entry, mother--to the front door come, right away.

    Fast as she can she hurries--something ominous--her steps trembling; She does not tarry to smoothe her hair, nor adjust her cap.

    Open the envelope quickly; O this is not our son's writing, yet his name is sign'd; O a strange hand writes for our dear son--O stricken mother's soul! All swims before her eyes--flashes with black--she catches the main words only; Sentences broken--gun-shot wound in the breast, cavalry skirmish, taken to hospital, At present low, but will soon be better.

    Ah, now, the single figure to me, Amid all teeming and wealthy Ohio, with all its cities and farms, Sickly white in the face, and dull in the head, very faint, By the jamb of a door leans.

    Grieve not so, dear mother, (the just-grown daughter speaks through her sobs; The little sisters huddle around, speechless and dismay'd;) See, dearest mother, the letter says Pete will soon be better.

    Alas, poor boy, he will never be better, (nor may-be needs to be better, that brave and simple soul;) While they stand at home at the door, he is dead already; The only son is dead.

    But the mother needs to be better; She, with thin form, presently drest in black; By day her meals untouch'd--then at night fitfully sleeping, often waking, In the midnight waking, weeping, longing with one deep longing, O that she might withdraw unnoticed--silent from life, escape and withdraw, To follow, to seek, to be with her dear dead son.

    Posted by Fishbite at 05/30/2006 @ 11:18am

26. one of the finest moments of this blog.

    my tears go to the families of the fallen.

    my respect to the writers here, I am proud to be one of your number

    Posted by johannesrolf at 05/30/2006 @ 12:02pm

27. It is a debt that I am unable to repay.

    John Maasch

    But you can repay it.

    Live as a free man.

    Improve something about yourself every day.

    Increase your value to society over your lifetime.

    See that your children have more opportunities that you did, and see that they know how to use these opportunities, by your example.

    Citizens of nations that value freedom less than ours cannot redeem the sacrifices of their defenders in this way. But we can. It takes an entire lifetime, but the debt can be repaid.

    Posted by MyParadigm at 05/30/2006 @ 12:50pm