The headline on the BBC story read, "G-8 Leaders Agree to Climate Deal," but nobody asked Mother Nature if she would go along. It was all smiles and ain't-we-great-friends between Angela Merkel, the German chancellor, and George Bush, the American president, at the meeting of Russia plus the world's seven most "advanced" nations--although you can't always tell that by the seven's behavior.

It was decided that in about fifty years, give or take, that greenhouse gas emissions would be cut in half, if the G-8 countries went ahead and actually did some serious cutting, if China did ditto, if India did ditto, too, and if they would all go the United Nations and hash the subject over some more and have some more meetings, and if a lot of other "ifs" eventuated.

"I'm both surprised and very pleased at how far we have come forward," said the Tony Blair, the UK's outgoing prime minister, who poodled up for the American president for perhaps the last time.

While it was not included in the official statement, the G-8 countries are forming a committee to go north and ask the polar bears if they think they can hold out for fifty more years. They can if they cross their legs and squeeze.

Another committee may be sent to Greenland to inquire if the ice that used to cover that island can hold off melting completely for a half-century while staff work proceeds on where the G-8 are going to be holding its annual meetings in the coming years. They like to go to nice places but their advisers are warning them that some nice places that would be perfect now may be a little too wet or a little too hot for comfort down the road.

Nothing decided at the meeting is for sure. "Binding" targets, "binding" goals, "binding" underwear make President Bush uncomfortable according to one of his spokespersons, who declined to elaborate. This is good news for people living in the northern third of the United State who are worried about their fuel bills. They have every reason to hope and expect that they will soon be enjoying moderate January weather.

Another one of big tangles at the G-8 revolved around complaints by Vladimir Putin, the President of the All the Russias and all the Russians. Gospodin Putin was upset because Mr. Bush wants to put anti-missile batteries in Poland and the Czech Republic to stop an attack by Iran. Disinterested observers were puzzled by the dispute since it concerns an anti-missile system that does not work, designed to shoot down missiles that do not exist, but this is why cool heads are needed to guide the nuances and subtleties of global diplomacy.

The Africans showed up with their tin cups and their complaints. With them it's always, "You promised us money for AIDS and TB but you never sent it." The G-8 was sympathetic and promised to double the Africans' allowance.

Still some of the staff people from the already over-developed nations were annoyed at Bono, who is a Brit of some kind but an African at heart. He said, "I am exasperated" and used words like "obfuscation" when talking about the Big Eighters.

To which a member of one G8 delegation said out of the side of her mouth, "Why can't people understand how it supposed to work. We are supposed to pretend that we give the rest of the world stuff and they are supposed to pretend that they are grateful. What's so hard to understand about that?"

Comments (1)

1. Mr von Hoffman...do you really think if (as HSUBFOOLS thinks) that even if Al Gore got elected (or re-elected if some like) in 2008...

   that it'll be any better?

   No President is going to push a "climate change" agenda that you or the hard-liners want...it would cripple the economy and nobody can factually deny that (some even embrace it as "the only option"). CAFE hikes, alternative energy funding, etc....won't be "enough" for them.

   The Chinese aren't going to dampen their economy to stop global warming...we can't keep them from dumping products, violating copyrights, and using prison labor...how the HELL do we get them to cut back on CO2 if it means shutting down factories in Guangdong province? And India won't do much better, unless we let them build more nuclear reactors...which the anti-proliferation guys won't like.

   Hillary, Edwards, Obama...will TALK better on GW, sound more like the Europeans do....but be just as apathetic.

   Posted by Mask at 06/08/2007 @ 8:51pm