It’s hard loving a married man. One who is far away, with a life structured by family and history and expectation, who dreams of freedom but needs the chains.
It’s hard being that needed chain, the wife, icon of the known world, blameless victim whose sympathizers nevertheless cannot help daubing with the colors of failure. Poor thing…
It’s not supposed to be hard being the married man with the lover and the wife and the life. That’s the life!–until he gets caught. Then the slurs come swiftly, predictably: narcissist, cheater, hypocrite, pig.
In the latest political sex scandal, which isn’t a scandal at all but a circumstance as old and common as time, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, Jenny Sanford and María Belén Chapur have provided an edifying example of pain as a condition of life, love as both a drowning pool and sustaining spring, adultery as the monogamy system’s disowned twin. And all that liberals can talk about is what a fraud he is. No sooner had Sanford made his forced confession than the knees of the righteous, in this case Rachel Maddow, Maureen Dowd and legions of Democratic water-carriers-cum-bloggers, snapped in unison. “Hypocrite!” they didn’t quite thunder. Christians thunder; liberals sneer, but it amounts to the same thing, counting sins.
They got quite a lot wrong. In South Carolina politics, Sanford has never been known as a “Bible thumper,” and he recently irritated those who are by not signing a bill that would have welded I Believe to the state license plate. He wasn’t elected governor in 2002 pushing family values; he ran as a vague libertarian and was elected because a lot of Democrats, blacks especially, abandoned the odious incumbent, Jim Hodges, who got into office powered by black votes and then engineered an immense transfer of wealth from the poor and black to the better-off and white via his education lottery. Sanford didn’t “lead the charge” against Bill Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky affair; he said Clinton had lied (he had) and, like a dutiful low-level Representative in a party of discipline, voted for impeachment (along with five Democrats). He is no more of a right-wing, hate-filled moralist than most anyone in the party of Barack and Bill, the party of “don’t ask, don’t tell”; the Defense of Marriage Act; and Personal Responsibility in the form of lectures to teenagers, lectures to poor single mothers, lectures to black men on Father’s Day and laws that make life harder for them all. He could not “embarrass” the State of South Carolina, itself an embarrassment since slave times, enabled quite effectively in that condition over the years by politicians regardless of party.
None of this says much for Sanford, but it says a lot worse for his liberal scolds. They profess to be cosmopolitan, above the mumbo jumbo of religion, vanguardists for self-determination–to know better, in other words, all the while arguing the case for compulsory monogamy and just punishment for sexual sin more vigorously than the religionists they laugh at. “The travel partners of infidelity are shame, deception, embarrassment, hurt and heartache–ugly, negative, soul-diminishing feelings,” intoned Mark Lett, executive editor of The State, in explaining why it was so vital for South Carolina’s main newspaper to publish private communications between the governor and his lover. “There is no joy among responsible journalists in telling stories about infidelity and its seat mate, personal failure.”