The New York Times recently reported that bedbugs have invaded scores of thousands of residences throughout the city, triggering widespread itching and ostracism. This most vile and criminal occupation also unleashed a chittering horde of scared and outraged Americans in the Twitterverse:

GroundZadjacent: Anybody besides me more worried about bedbugs than mosques and terrorists?

MissMeYet: You’re either with us, or you’re with the bedbugs. #Dubya

SenJohnMcMaverick: We will be at war with these bedbugs for 100 years.

Faire&Baldfaced: Why didn’t Obama heed that midsummer Presidential Daily Brief: bin Bedbugs Determined to Strike in US?

Dubya: The bedbugs must not be allowed to establish a safe haven in the mountainous regions of Central Park. #MissMeYet?

HalfGovSarahP: We should ask the Norwegees or the Dutch for help with the bedbugs.

WeLovePuppies: All bedbugs in the Gulf have been dispersed. #BP #nothingtoseehere

RevGrahamCracker: You know who else is born of the seed of Islam? Bedbugs.

HalfGovSarahP: Peace-seeking bedbugs, this provocation stabs heart, pls refudiate erection of yr pest mecca so close 2 hollowed Ground 0.

ColdDeadHands: The 2nd Amendment prohibits us from restricting the bedbug’s right to bear arms.

SCOTUS_Inc: The Supreme Court has ruled that bedbugs are people too. #FreedomOfLeech

HairClubForGrowth: If we let the Bush Tax Cuts expire, the entire bedbug economy will collapse.

KnickKnut: If only the bedbugs would go to Miami to play with Dwayne Wade. All school texts will henceforth refer to the bedbug invasion as “Obama’s sole policy accomplishment.”

BidenMyTime: Combat operations are over. But 50,000 will stay behind to train legitimate bedbugs to fight the insurgent bedbugs.

ApocalypseDowChemical: I love the smell of bedbugs in the morning.

UndisclosedLocation: I think we should simply greet the bedbugs as liberators.